First Blood First Serve 3 The Expelables
by RockHead South Park
Summary: Several months after his daring mission to the Andes Conner Kurtz has settled down into civilian life. He has a pair of loving Foster Dad's a home his friends and a fresh start at South Park Elementary. But when an old friend from the war shows up asking for Conner's help in destroying South Park he must step out of retirement in order to save those he's grown to love.
1. Chapter 1

All Characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional all celebrity vices are impersonated poorly the following story contains coarse language and due to it's content should not be read by anyone.

[The scene opens with a shot of the rocky mountains over the town of South Park.]

[In a little house on a street a 10 year old boy with with brown hair and a scar on his face wakes up and stretches his arms. He gets out of bed and heads over to his dresser drawer and takes out a pair of green pants a brown t shirt and a tan hunting vest. After getting dressed he heads downstairs to the kitchen where Jimbo is sitting at the table and Ned is wearing an apron and cooking venison and pancakes.]

Conner: "Good Morning Jimbo! Good morning Ned!"

Jimbo: "Good morning Conner ready for your first day of school?"

Conner: "You bet Jimbo!"

Ned: " Hmm good morning Conner I made my specialty pancakes with venison."

[He puts a plate in front of him and Conner digs in.]

Conner Narrating: "My Name is Conner Kerns I'm 10 years old and I live in South Park Colorado with my foster fathers Jimbo Kerns and Ned Gerblansky."

[Conner finishes his pancakes with venison and heads upstairs to the bathroom to brush his teeth.]

Conner narrating: "Today marks the first day of my new life."

[He looks into the mirror and sees Benjamin brushing his teeth right next to him.]

[A year ago I was a military brat living in San Diego with my Mom Dad and older brother, until my life was turned upside down by the pandemic.]

[Conner comes down the stairs and picks up his backpack.]

Conner: "Bye Jimbo bye Ned."

Ned: " Hmm goodbye Conner have a nice first day at school!"

[Conner steps out the door and heads towards the bus stop.]

[Conner looks back and sees Benjamin following him to the bus stop.]

Conner Narrating: "I lost my entire family and the trauma caused me to block the memories and run away from home. After becoming the target of a manhunt and being incarcerated in juvey I was a given a second chance to earn my freedom after undertaking a mission deep in the Andes mountains."

"After rescuing the choir I was given a presidential pardon and the adoption agency found a home for me here in South Park."

[Conner walks up to the bus stop where the Boys are waiting.]

Stan: "Hey Conner!"

Conner: "Hey Stan you guys ready for school?"

Cartman: "You didn't leave a gun in your bag this time did you?"

Conner: "Shut up Cartman."

Kyle: "Oh He's ready."

Stan: "Totally dude."

[The bus arrives and the boys get on.]

((South Park intro begins.))

Les Claypool: "I'm going down to South Park gonna have myself a time."

Stan and Kyle: "Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation."

Les Claypool: "Going down to South Park gonna leave my woes behind."

Cartman: "Ample parking day or night people shouting howdy neighbor!"

Les Claypool: "Heading on down to South Park gonna see if I can't unwind!"

Kenny: "Someday I'll be old enough to stick my dick in Britney's butt!"

Conner: "Kenny Gross!"

Les Claypool: "So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine!"

[The bus pulls up to the school and lets the kids off.]

Conner: "Here we go first big day of school."

[Cuts to Mr Garrison's class.]

Garrison: "Alright Class today we're welcoming a new student some of you probably remember that little incident where he had a little episode and destroyed half the town but the school has talked it over with his lawyer and psychiatrist and they've assured us that we won't let it happen again."

"Everyone I want you all to welcome Conner Kerns."

[Conner walks into the room and waves at everyone nervously.]

Garrison" Now don't be shy Conner we're all friends here we won't judge you for what happened in the past."

Conner: "Uh hi everybody it's a good to be back here I-i know you guys might be a little nervous since last time but I really want a chance to be your friend?"

Garrison: "Alright Conner take your seat."

[Conner sits next to Kyle.]

Garrison: "Alright children we're gonna pick up where we left off on friday with History. "Now as I was saying after Fonzie jumped the shark Happy Day's started going downhill fast and when Joanie loves Chachi aired five years later it the end was clearly in sight.

[Cuts to the lunch room.]

[Conner picks up his lunch from the line and walks into the lunchroom. The entire room goes quiet as everyone stares at him.]

Boy: [Whispers] "It's him."

Girl: "I heard they sent a posse out to kill him and he killed them."

Fillmore: "I heard he mowed a whole bunch of cops and soldiers with a big machine gun."

5th grade Boy: "I heard he has flashbacks where he thinks he's fighting in combat "

[Conner hears what they're saying about him. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to ignore them.]

[Conner walks up to the boys table]

Conner: "Hey guys can I sit here?"

Kyle: "Sure Conner."

Butters: "So Conner are you still seeing Benjamin everywhere you go?"

Stan: "Dude Butters not cool!"

Butters: "Oh uh sorry Conner."

Conner: "It's alright."

Kyle: "Cheer up dude it's always hard being the new kid."

Cartman: "Yeah usually we rip on the new kid for being new but we like you brah your 100% badass HOOAH!"

Conner: "It's OORAH not HOOAH! that's the Army."

Cartman: "I knew that I was just fooling with ya bra!"

Kenny: [mumbles] "You want to come back to my place sometime we can look at Playboys?"

Conner: "Thanks Kenny but my doctor says I'm supposed to stay away from arousing situations."

Craig: "Your still going to the doctors?"

Conner: "Yeah three times a week."

Clyde: "Still taking your medicine?"

Stan: "Dude Clyde Shut up!"

Conner: "Look Guys I just want drop it right here let's talk about something else anything."

[A ginger hall monitor walks up to their table.]

Hall Monitor: "Scott Malkinson and Conner Kerns?"

Scott: [Lisping] "Yes?"

Hall Monitor: "I have instructions to bring you two to the front office to pick up your medication."

Cartman: "Oh you picked the wrong kid to mess with Ginger. This kid took on an entire army of pedophiles by himself! I saw him take on whole buttload of them with a big machine gun he was all pew pew pew and they were all like getting shredded and shot up! It was a total bloodbath!"

Hall Monitor: [Looks up at Conner tremblingly trying not to pee his pants] "L-look I-I d-don't w-want any trouble I-I'm just trying to d-do my job."

[Conner sighs deeply]

Conner: "It's okay I understand lets go."

[The Hall Monitor leads Conner and Scott out of the lunchroom, Everyone can see that despite the Hall Monitor's attempt to seem brave he's sweating coldly and trying not to pee his pants.]

Cartman: [Whispers] "Alright guys taking bets how long before Conner snaps the Ginger's neck with his bare hands?"

Kyle: "Shut Up Cartman!"

[They get out into the hallway and head for the office]

Scott : "Cheer up Conner it's not so bad having to go to the office to get your medicine!]

Conner: [Covers his face with his hand] "Scott please just shut up."

Scott: [Gulps] "Y-yes Sir!"

[Conner sighs]

[The two of them later walk out of the office Scott's carrying his insulin needles and Conner's carrying two capsules of his Medication. One for his PTSD and the other for his DID. He sighs deeply and takes out his water bottle and pops them in his mouth before washing them down.]

[Later that day at recess]

[Conner performs one handed chin ups on the monkey bars as he tries to clear his head of going through his first day.]

Conner: [Thinking] "What am I getting myself all worked up about it's not like I've not had a bad day in my entire life before? I mean for Buddha's sake I destroyed most of the building the last time I was here and yet I'm scared of what the other kids think of me?"

[He looks around]

Conner: [Thinking] "Got really quiet around here I guess my medication is actually working"

[He looks over to see the other kids huddled together on the basketball court. Curious He gets down and walks over to hear Cartman talking about him]

Cartman: "It's true I saw him take on the whole army by himself he stole one of their helicopters and was he was all like that's right I'm one of you guys and then suddenly BAM HE STARTS SHOOTING ROCKETS AND MISSILES AND IT...WAS...AWESUME!"

[The kids all ooo and awe at Cartman's story.]

Cartman: "Then he grabbed a big machine gun and started going PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW and I was all like hold on Conner I'm coming to help you and we were both like totally badass it was so kewl!"

Kyle: "No you weren't Cartman your just adding stuff on again!"

Cartman: "Oh and where were you when Conner needed your help? Looking for a Jew hole to hide in?"

Kyle: "I was helping Kenny fight Chef!"

Conner makes his way through the crowd to the front.

Kyle: "There you are Conner would you tell Cartman to stop making up stories about really happened in Peru?"

Cartman: "Conner don't let Kahl Jew with your mind come back to the light."

Kyle: "These Kids deserve to hear the truth not a bunch of made up stories."

Cartman: "It's the truth Kahl don't make Conner tear your heart out with his bare hands right Conner?"

Kyle: "Conner's not some bloodthirsty savage he's a smart cunning warrior! Tell them Conner."

Clyde: "Yeah tell us Conner how many guys did you kill?"

Douglas: "Yeah how did you do it?"

Francis: "Did you shoot e'm did you strangle e'm blow them to smithereens."

Conner looks around at the crowd everyone looking at him waiting for him to say something.

Cartman: "Well what are you waiting for? Tell everyone!"

Bebe: "Yeah we want to hear all the gory details."

Red: "Yeah tell us Conner"

Everyone: "Tell us Conner Tell Us Conner Tell us Conner!"

Conner: "ENOUGH!"

Everyone on the playground stops and looks at Conner.

Conner: "LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN GOOD I'M TIRED OF EVERYONE THINKING I'M SOME MENTALLY UNSTABLE KILLING MACHINE!"

"I ADMIT IT I MADE MISTAKES I BROUGHT A GUN TO SCHOOL I HURT A LOT OF PEOPLE I'VE EVEN KILLED PEOPLE BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PUT THAT BEHIND ME FOR THESE LAST FEW MONTHS!"

He takes several deep breaths trying to compose himself. The kids look at him like powder keg about to explode.

Clyde: "Yeaaaaaaah recess is almost over anyway I'm gonna go play on the jungle gym."

Millie: "Yeah me too."

Tweek: Grabs his hair. "AHHH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

Conner: "GO!"

Tweek: "YAHH!" He runs off screaming."

Kyle: "Conner I'm sorry I didn't know it was that bad for you."

Conner: "Please leave me alone right now Kyle."

[Later that day in class Conner's just trying to focus on Mr Garrison's lesson. The other kids except Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Butters have scooted their desks away from him.]

Mr Garrison: Takes a dvd out of the player "And that class is the lesson we can take from Baywatch Nights Baywatch and the X files just don't mix. now moving on with our lesson in bad spin offs we come to Saved by the Bell the College Years."

Just then Gary Nelson the ginger hall monitor walks into the room.

Gary Nelson: He tries to maintain his composure. "Conner Kerns"

Conner: Rolls his eyes. "Yes?"

Gary :"I-I'm h-here to escort you to M-Mr M-Mackey for your daily counseling session."

Conner: "Oh God."

Cartman: Laughing "Aw man you gotta go to therapy that so lame!"

Conner: "Cartman shut up."

He gets up and leaves with Gary who's trying with every fiber of his being not to pee his pants. Seeing him all flustered Conner tries to make conversation.

Conner: "So how long have you been a hall monitor?"

Gary Nelson: "Uh about eight months or so g-give or take."

Conner: "So what got you interested in being a hall monitor?"

Gary Nelson: "I-I-I" *He flashes back to Conner's escape from custody.*

Mr Mackey: "Attention students and faculty please remain calm there is an armed child in the school. Please remain in your classrooms until the police arrive."

As Conner races down the halls the hall monitors try to stop him but flee when they see he's carrying an M16 rifle.

The Big Boss Hall Monitor goes down after getting clocked in the head for the stalk of Conner's rifle. His dodgeball flail falls to the ground popped.

Hall Monitor: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Hall Monitor 2: "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF."

Gary climbs into his locker and begins sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth.

Gary Nelson: "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS IT I'M GONNA END UP JUST LIKE GORDON STOLSKY WE'RE FINISHED GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER!"

Suddenly the locker door opens and Gary screams as Conner grabs him and begins shaking him.

Conner: "Gary Gary Gary!" Gary's flashback ends as Conner shakes him back and forth. "GARY WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?" Gary screams

Gary Nelson: [High pitched ands sobbing] "I JUST WANTED A LITTLE AUTHORITY AND RESPECT AROUND HERE! SO MAYBE KIDS WOULD STOP CALLING ME RAGGEDY ANDY CARROT TOP AND ROOTY TOOTY FRUITY REDHEAD!"

He Screams and runs away ripping off his sash and clothes until he's down to just his underwear!

Gary: "I WASN"T WORTHY OF THE UNIFORM I QUIT!" He stops to take off his underwear and then continues running right past Mr Mackey's office and out the door into the snow screaming bloody murder.

Conner: "Wow and I thought I was FUBAR." [Means Fucked Up Beyond Any/All Recognition]

Just then Mr Mackey walks up to him looking angry.

Mr Mackey: "CONNER WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO GARY NELSON?"

Conner: "I have no idea what the hell is going on here."

Mr Mackey: "In my office right now young man!" He points to the door.

Conner: Sighs "Same shit different day."

Mr Mackey: "Watch your mouth young man Mmkay."

Conner: "I'm going I'm going."

[Mr Mackey's Office.]

Conner sits down in a chair and looks around nervously.

Mr Mackey: Sits down at his desk. "Okay Conner I know you and I got off to a bad start M'kay. I was wrong about Galt I was wrong about you, but all that's in the past now M'kay? Right now I want to help you fit back into the society."

Conner: "You'll understand if I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my problems considering I almost killed you."

Mr Mackey: "M'kay well like I said I'd like to bury the hatchet and start over."

Conner: Takes a deep breath. "So where do we begin?"

Mr Mackey: "Well how about today Conner you seem to still be on edge. Has anyone been harassing you or making you feel uncomfortable?"

Conner: "Well...I've been hearing people talking about me all morning looking at me like I was some sort of train wreck."

Mr Mackey: Takes notes down. "I see go on."

Conner: "Today at lunch as soon as I walked into the cafeteria everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I could them whispering to each other saying I was dangerous and talking about how I had flashbacks where I can't tell my friends from my enemies."

Mr Mackey: "M'kay and how did this make you feel?"

Conner: [depressed] "Like some kind of Psychopath can't say I blame e'm thou."

Mr Mackey: "Alright Conner your being a Beat Yourself up Billy M'kay being a Beat Yourself Up Billy is bad M'kay."

Conner: Rolls his eyes. "Anyway I sat down with Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski and tried to put it behind me.

Mr Mackey: "And how did that go?"

Conner: "Butters asked if I was still seeing Benjamin."

Mr Mackey: "Well Butters Stotch can be a little naive at times M'kay...continue."

Conner: "Well Gary Nelson came to take me and that kid with the lisp and diabetes to the office to pick up my medicine and Cartman told him about what I did in South America. Maybe that's what freaked him out so much."

Mr Mackey: "Why am I not surprised keep going."

Conner: "After lunch things seemed to calm down until Recess. I thought I'd do some chin ups or something to help clear my head. I saw all the kids gathered in a circle so I went over to see what it was. It was Cartman and Kyle they were arguing over what happened in Peru. As far as I can tell it sounded like Cartman was making up stories about actually happened and Kyle was pissed off. As soon as they saw me they both started asking me to take their side in the argument...Then all the other kids started asking me to tell them how many people I killed and how I killed them. I just felt this pressure rise up inside me I tried to block it out but it just got louder and louder until I just exploded.

Mr Mackey: "I see sounds like you've had a rough day so far M'kay...Here's what we're gonna do."

He reaches into his desk drawer and takes out a stress toy.

Mr Mackey: "This here is Panic Pete anytime you feel stress coming on I want you to give a squeeze M'kay." He hands it to Conner. "Go ahead give it a try."

Conner takes the toy in his hands and looks at it. He gives it a firm but gentle squeeze causing the toys eyes, ears and mouth to pop out.

Conner: "Uh...okay then."

Mr Mackey: "Feeling better?"

Conner: Gives him a few more squeezes. "I guess so."

Mr Mackey: "Well I think we've made a lot of progress for your first day I'll see you same time tomorrow for our next session."

Conner: Get's up and starts to leave. "Hey Mr Mackey?"

Mr Mackey: "Yes Conner?"

Conner: "I gotta say your being very magnanimous about this I mean I did try to kill you."

Mr Mackey: "Well Conner I wasn't thinking very clear myself either M'kay."

Conner: "Maybe this second chance can work out after all."

Mr Mackey: "You can do anything you want Conner as you put your mind to it M'kay. Now run along back to class young man."

Conner: "Hey Mr Mackey...Thanks."

As soon as Conner leaves Mr Mackey grabs his chest like he just dodged a bullet. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and takes out a bottle of S'mores Schnapps.

Mr Mackey: "Oh God I didn't think I was gonna last another minute there."

He opens the bottle and takes a big swig.

Cut to Commercial.


	2. Chapter 2

[Return from Commercial break.]

[Later that day the bus drops the boys off at the bus stop.]

Stan: "Man that sucks that we have to write a report on M*A*S*H."

Kyle: "Yeah I don't understand what that has to do with the Korean War."

Butters: "Hey Conner do you know anything about the Korean war? I bet you do cause your like all smart and stuff when it comes to war huh?"

Conner: "Well yeah I guess I mean my Grandfather Donner Kurtz fought in Korea with the 1st Marines. I just don't get why we have to write about M*A*S*H for our report on Korea. Doesn't Mr Garrison have any better sources?"

Stan: "He always has us do this sort of thing."

Conner: "Doesn't he ever actually teach us anything important like maybe what actually happened during the Korean War instead of showing us reruns of a Tv show?"

Cartman: "Who cares as long as it gets us out of reading about it."

[The boys come up to Kyle's house and go on inside to find Gerald sitting down watching tv.]

Kyle: "Hi Dad"

Gerald: "Hey Kyle how was school today? Who's your new friend?"

Kyle: "Uh... Dad this is Conner."

Gerald: "Oh boy I'm just glad you got home before your Mother did."

Conner: "Look if it's a problem I can just go home now."

Gerald: "That won't be necessary Conner I'll explain everything to Sheila when she gets home."

Conner: "Thanks Mr Broflovski and thanks again for defending me in court

Gerald: "You saved my son's life Conner it was the least I could do."

[The boys head upstairs to Kyle's room and get busy studying]

Conner: "So despite MacArthur's assurances that there was little chance of Chinese intervention in the war the People's Volunteer Army attacked UN forces at the Sino Korean Border on the 25th of October. After defeating the ROK 2nd corps at the battle of Onjong the first confrontation between Chinese and American forces occurred on November 1st 1950. The PVA encircled the US 8th Calvary from the North, Northwest and West and overran US positions forcing the 8th Calvary to retreat to the Ch'ongch'on river valley the Chinese withdrew following their decisive victory."

Kyle: "Ch'ongch'ong river got it."

Cartman: "Heh heh Cho'ngch'ong"

[The boys hear arguing from downstairs]

Stan: "Hey what's that?"

[They gather at the door to eavesdrop]

Sheila: "Absolutely not Gerald it's not up for discussion I do not want Kyle hanging around that boy I think he's a bad influence."

Gerald: "Sheila he's been through months of intensive therapy the doctor's say he's fully capable of being a part of society."

Cartman: "Oh boy sounds like Super Bitch is at it again duck and cover people."

Sheila: "He put our son right in the line of fire got him buried alive in a mine and destroyed most of main street! Does that sound like someone who's capable of being a part of society?"

[Conner looks down sullen and heart broken.]

Conner: [depressed] "You guys I'm think I'm gonna go home."

[He walks over and packs up his backpack]

Kyle: "Conner please you don't have to do this I'll talk to her I promise we can work all this out."

Conner: "No it's okay Kyle It's not your fault It's just best I don't get you into trouble with your parents.

[He puts on his backpack and opens Kyle's window.]

Kyle: [guilt] "Well alright see tomorrow at school I guess"

Conner: "Good bye guys."

[He climbs out the window and drops down into a roll in the front yard before brushing the snow off and walking home.]

Cartman: "Way to go Kyle thanks to your fat fucking mom sticking her big joo nose into things we're out our only study partner who knows anything about the Korean war!"

Kyle: "It's not right"

Stan: "What?"

Kyle: "Conner doesn't deserve this kind of treatment."

Cartman: "Hello Kyle I'm ripping on your mom for being a big fat bitch!"

Kyle: "He's lost his family been forced to live in the wilderness by himself, hunted like a criminal and just when he gets a second chance people treat him like he's some mentally unstable time bomb."

Cartman: "Kyle your mom is a big nosed jersey kike."

Kyle: [uninterested] "And your mom's a crack whore Cartman shut up! I just wish there was someway we could convince people that he's not a threat he's just misunderstood."

Stan: "You mean like raise awareness because I'm not making another video."

Kyle: "I was gonna ask you not to do that this time thanks."

Stan: "The third time you jack it in the street you get a free extra night at the Hotel Coronado...I'm gonna shut up now."

Sheila: [Calls them from downstairs] "Boys I want to talk to you downstairs right now."

[The boys sit on the couch]

Sheila: "Now I boys the reason I don't you hanging out with Conner is because he's dangerous."

Kyle: "But Mom he saved our lives in that collapsed mine."

Sheila: "He was the reason you got trapped down there in the first place! I thought I was never gonna see you alive again Kyle!"

Gerald: "Sheila I really think you stop and think about this moment."

Sheila: "Don't interrupt me Gerald, As I was saying the reason I don't want you hanging out with him is because Conner has PTSD he might not want to hurt you but he can't control when his episodes start or end. Do you understand?"

Kyle: "Mom I think your overreacting just a little..."

Sheila: "DO YOU UNDERSTAND OR NOT KYLE?"

Kyle: "No Mom you don't understand Conner isn't some mentally unstable time bomb he's just a kid who went things no kid should have to."

Sheila: "KYLE DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME"

Kyle: "NO YOU LISTEN TO ME CONNER IS MY FRIEND HE'S RISKED HIS LIFE TO SAVE US MORE THAN ONCE!

Sheila: "THAT'S IT GO TO YOUR ROOM KYLE!"

[Kyle gets up and walks away in disgust.]

Butters: "I-I better be getting home before I get grounded."

[Butters gets down and leaves]

[Elsewhere Conner walks down the street dejected.]

Conner: "Everywhere I go people just look at me as some kind of sociopathic monster. Kids spread rumors about me adults look at me with disgust. Is this what I'm destined to be? an outcast a pariah!"

[He looks down at his dog tags and holds them up]

"I sure wish you were here right now Ben even if you are just some split personality I made in my head."

[As he passes by the bench a Red headed boy with glasses wearing a Canadian flag stands up and walks over to him.]

Boy: "Private Conner Kurtz?"

Conner: [Looks over at him] "I think you have me confused with someone else my name is Conner Kerns." [He looks at his dog tags and tucks them into his shirt.]

Boy: "No It's definitely you, you've grown your hair out and changed your name but it's no use denying who you are Kurtz."

Conner: "Alright suppose I am this Private Kurtz your talking about what then?"

Boy: "My associates have a proposition for someone of your skills."

Conner: "And what kind of skills would those be?"

Boy: "Being a smart ass for one."

Conner: "And what if I said no?"

[The boy answers his question by drawing a handgun from his back pocket.]

Boy: "It would be wise for you to cooperate Kurtz."

Conner: "You shouldn't be running around sticking that in people's faces you could shoot an eye out."

Boy: "The Colonel said you had a sense of humor Kurtz err Kerns or whatever the fuck you call yourself now."

Conner: "And just what do I call you?"

Boy: "For now just call me Grant."

Conner: "Alright Just Grant."

Grant: "Shut the fuck up! I did not set you up for that joke!"

Conner: "Alright can't a kid at gunpoint crack a joke or two."

Grant: "Enough ass dragging move!"

Conner: "What's the magic word?"

Grant: "Fuck You!"

Conner: "Meh close enough."

[Grant leads Conner across the tracks near Kenny's house and into the Lost Woods.]

Conner: [Looks at the maple leaf on Grant's shirt.] "Forgive me if I sound rude but you don't exactly look Canadian to me."

Grant: [Sarcastically] "Oh sorry guy let me do something aboot that!" [He lifts his leg and lets out a tiny fart] "Is that better Buddeh!"

Conner: "Sorry not trying to make any waves or nothing by the way what was the Lions Redback's final score last week?"

Grant: "7-5 Damn it stop distracting me! I am not some flop headed fart loving stereotype!"

Conner: "But you do fart I mean you just did right?"

Grant: [growls] "If I didn't have orders to bring you here alive I'd kill you right here right now."

Conner: "Sure you would."

[Grant Leads Conner to a dead end clearing in the forest]

Conner: "So this is it? Not very much of a base."

[Grant draws a tranquilizer gun and shoots him in the neck]

Conner: "Ginger bastard." [Loses consciousness.]

[Meanwhile after Sheila had Stan and the others sent home Stan goes back to his house.]

Sharon: "Stan your uncle Jimbo called he's been wondering where Conner is."

Stan: "He left Kyle's house after he heard Kyle's mom talking about him you mean he's not home already?"

Sharon: "I suppose not."

[Stan takes out his phone and calls Jimbo.]

Jimbo: "Hey Stanley I called your house earlier to ask if you've seen Conner he was supposed to be home an hour ago I tried calling his phone but he's not picking up."

Stan: "The last I saw he said was going home I haven't seen him since."

Jimbo: "Oh dear this is serious don't you worry Stanley you Uncle Jimbo and Ned will find him."

Stan: "Thanks Uncle Jimbo let me know when you do alright?"

Jimbo: "Okay Stanley bye."

Stan: "Bye Uncle Jimbo."

[He hangs up and goes upstairs to his room to call Kyle]

Stan: [Dials Kyle.] "Come on Kyle pick up."

Kyle's voice message: "Hey Dude this is Kyle I can't come to the phone because I'm either busy or my parents have taken my phone away. Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Beep"

Stan: "Damn it Kyle's mom must have taken his phone away looks like this calls for a serious response." [He enters contacts and selects a question mark to call] "Hello yeah it's me listen Conner's missing and no one's been able to get ahold of him. I want you to look around to see if you can find him. You will? Thanks pal your the best well I gotta go later."

[He hangs up]

[Elsewhere Conner comes to to find his face covered with a bag and his wrists bound behind his back and held by two very strong looking boys.]

Grant's voice: "Good your awake I didn't want you to miss this." [He takes the bag off Conner's head.] "OPEN THE GATE!"

[A kid dressed in military fatigues gives the signal to open the gate]

[Conner looks up still drowsy from the tranquilizers to see what looks like a rundown summer camp turned into a makeshift military base if it was built and decorated by kindergardeners. Several children dressed in improvised military fatigues and carrying all manner of weapons from firearms to improvised weapons like homemade swords, shields, etc. A huge crude red flag depicting a white star with a coat of arms depicting a toy box loaded with assault rifles with the words Lost Boys Army written underneath hangs from the center camp stage.]

Grant: "Welcome to paradise Kurtz everything a kid could ever want is right here."

[The kids all gather as Conner is brought into the camp they're dressed in all manner of clothing. Most are dressed in improvised military fatigues others run the gamut from cowboys and indians to pirates, football players to wrestlers, ninjas to knights and wizards. Some of the girls are dressed as amazons others as stupid spoiled whores. The one constant is that they all wear warpaint on their faces. Their ages range from pre schoolers to 6th graders and boys and girls are included in their ranks.]

[The children click their feet and stand at attention as a drum squad pounds out a beat. their eyes boring through Conner as if judging him.]

Conner: "Who are you?"

Grant: "We are the Lost Boys Army like you we have all endured the pain and loss at the hands of adult cruelty."

Conner: "So who's the head honcho around here?"

Grant: "That would be the Colonel these are all his children man as far as the eye can see."

[Conner sees the entire camp the kids numbering to almost two thousand more than several schools worth.]

Grant: "Out there we're all rejects, screw ups, foster kids, orphans, juvenile scum not a single darling little angel in the whole bunch. But in here...in here we are all the Colonel's children man."

Conner: "Would it be possible to see the Colonel."

Grant: "First rule about the Lost Boys Army you don't ask to see the Colonel he's sees you man. But lucky for you he's been wanting to talk to you catch up on old times."

Conner: "Old times? Should I know this guy?"

Grant: "Trust me every kid in the country is the gonna know who the Colonel is by the time we're done."

Conner: "I'm afraid to ask what."

[Conner is lead up the trail to what used to be the counselors office which is now guarded by two 6th graders. One of them bangs a gong while the door opens.]

Grant: "Have faith Kurtz the Colonel will show you the enlightenment you seek."

[The Colonel sits at the far end of the darkened room his figure illuminated only by a flickering flame.]

Colonel: [Softly] "Enter my children."

[Grant leads Conner into the room]

Colonel: "Private First Class Conner Kurtz you have done well my children release his bonds then leave us in peace."

Grant: "Yes Sir." [Grant takes out a knife and cuts the rope binding Conner's wrist. Conner rubs his wrists and flexes his shoulders as Grant.]

Conner: "So you must the Colonel huh?"

Colonel: "You've changed so much Conner since I last saw you."

Conner: "Refresh my memories I don't remember meeting before."

Colonel: "I'm hurt Conner after all went through."

Conner: "Perhaps if you stepped into the light where I could see you better."

Colonel: "But if I did that I wouldn't be as menacing or foreboding."

Conner: "But then I wouldn't be able to remember where I saw you from."

Colonel: "Alright fine have it your way."

[The Colonel steps out of the shadows and into the light. we only see his bare back from behind.]

Conner: [shocked] "It can't be!"

Colonel: "But it is." [He raises his left hand which is revealed to be a hook.]

[Cut to Commercial.]


	3. Chapter 3

[Return from Commercial]

[The Colonel steps into full view giving us our first real view of him. He is very tall for his age with Conner's eyes only coming up to his chin. His skin is a pale albino with traces of blonde hair on his shaved head. A scar runs along under his eye and red war paint runs down his face and down his chest and left arm which is cut off at the elbow with a prosthesis hook. On his right arm are drawn several Chinese characters. He wears a leather brown flak vest over his pale bare chest with his dog tags around his neck along with tiger stripe pattern pants and combat boots.]

Colonel: "It's been a long time Kurtz."

[Conner looks deep into the Colonel's face. He sees what he used to look like. An albino with platinum blonde hair in a buzzcut wearing a military school uniform.]

Conner: "Jack Hook?"

Hook: "There now was it really that hard to remember me old buddy o'l pal?" You've changed a lot since I last seen you. [He rubs Conner's hair with his prosthetic hook When's the last time you had a trim Marine? [He laughs] You like the hook? just got it last week I can pick up shit with it just fine but ever since I started getting wood I'm afraid I'm gonna whittle it down the bone."

Conner: "Er yeah so where have you been?" You've been reported MIA since the war ended."

Hook: "Aw yes the war! Blame Canada Protect our children's minds and all that. Yeah those were the good old days weren't they? But let's not dwell on the past so much I hear you've been quite busy lately."

Conner: "Yeah well I've got a new life now."

Hook: "Of course you do Kurtz of course you do. Your the wholesome all American boy with your girl and your hot wheels cruising around while everyone else is at war."

Conner: "Who's war what are you talking about Hook?"

Hook: "I'm talking about our war Conner us the children of this country the ones that get sent off to fight when overweight Jewish mothers declare war!"

Conner: "Oh Boy Look Jack it's over it's been over for a long time man you need to put it behind you."

Hook: "Wow I thought this whole adapting thing was just load of cow shit but you really have turned into a pussy."

Conner: "Look I just want to know what this all about Hook what's the point of all this?"

Hook: [Turns and walks over to the window and looks out the camp] "The point is Conner is that adults declare war while us kids get sent off to do the dying. Why do you think our parents enrolled us at Vincent D'onofrio? To teach us discipline? To straighten us out? To help us build Character that's personally my favorite one by the way. No it's because they need fresh meat for the grinder when they see something they don't like or offends them they send us out to die thinking that will solve the problem.  
>The war never ended Kurtz Sure we're not executing Canadians or burning our Wayne Gretzky hockey sticks but every time they see something that they don't like they try to destroy it for our children's sake of course. Just look at you for example when you arrived in this po dunk white bread town you didn't any living family no place to call to call home just your cammies what you could carry on your back and a rifle for protection.<p>

Conner: "Look I know where you going with this but I wasn't entirely innocent in that case either."

Hook: "And had that Truant officer not tried to molest you would you have cooperated?"

Conner: "What? Of course I would have."

Hook: "You see you realized what you did was wrong and accepted responsibility and how were you treated by them? As a wild animal meant to be trapped and caged and put down just because you didn't want to play sissy to some school rent a cop who touched kids like catholic priest on shore leave."

Conner: "I've tried to forget that."

Hook: "The doubt in your voice betrays you Kurtz. You think that just because you came to your senses and surrendered that it's gonna change how they feel about you? Your damaged goods to them Conner just like the rest of us. Come here Conner I want to show you something."

[Conner walks over to the window where Hook is standing.]

Hook: "Look upon the kingdom we've made for ourselves Kurtz. This place used to be a summer camp that got closed down after it transpired the that the head counselor was a member of NAMBLA."

Conner: "Question?"

Hook: "What is it?"

Conner: "The good NAMBLA or the bad touch NAMBLA?"

Hook: "Both."

Conner: "So he was a pedophile that..."

Hook: "Looked like Marlon Brando yes now can I continue?"

Conner: "Sure no problem."

Hook: "As I was saying we've come together to create our own little piece of the world. To the adults of the world we're here for them to ignore, abuse, abandon, just because they they're drunk or they didn't want kids or we're the not what they want to groom us into . But here we have a purpose a place to belong."

[Conner sees the children running drills, marching in formation and doing various odd jobs around the camp.]

Hook: "Look at yourself Conner Your not some boy down the street to them. You think just because you pulled some kidnapped kids out of that hell hole in South America that that's going to change what they think of you? To them you'll always be threat. A juvenile delinquent a menace to their idea of what a child should be but not here. Here we understand who you are and what they've done to you and accept you for it. Here you can have a purpose in life again a just cause to fight for."

Conner: "What do want from me?"

Hook: "I want to help you Conner. I want to give you a purpose in life again. To help children like us who society has forgotten about. I want you to join the Lost Boys Army."

[Conner cannot find the words to speak he looks down at his parents dog tags in doubt.]

Hook: "I can see it in your face that your torn between joining us and returning to your new home in that white bread mountain town. Tell you what I'm feeling unusually generous so I'm gonna let you go home to think about it. Come back in three days and let me know what you decide. If you want to join us we'll welcome you with open arms. If not that's fine you'll never see me again."

Conner: [Looks down at his tags and sighs] "I'll think about it."

Hook: "That's the spirit Conner you go on home and get some rest and you think about my little proposal okay."

Conner: "Sure." [He heads for the door while Hook returns to the shadows]

Grant: [walks up to him accompanied by a girl with brown wavy hair dressed in military fatigues. "So how did it go catch up on some old times?"

Conner: "Sure I said I'd be back in three days

Grant: "Well I sure hope I see you again by the way this is First Sergeant Kaitlyn Patterson."

[Conner looks at her while Like a Throbbing Star starts to play in the background]

"There you are like a throbbing star I want you to make love to me."

Kaitlyn: "Hi there so your Conner Kurtz huh?"

Conner: [Blushes sheepishly] "Yeah..um that's me."

Kaitlyn: "Your famous around here you know. Everyone here knows what you've done."

Conner: "Seems that's all I'm good for these days. Well anyway I gotta get going home it was nice meeting you Kaitlyn."

Kaitlyn: "Yeah it was."

Grant: "I have an idea Kaitlyn you've earned some R&R why don't you go with him?"

Conner: "Excuse me?"

Grant: "I think the two of you should get to know each other better."

Kaitlyn: "I don't mind I mean he is kinda cute." [She winks at him]

Conner: [Blushes deeply] "Sure..I..guess."

Kaitlyn: "I'll take that as a yes."

Grant: "Well come on Conner you know the drill." [He takes out a burlap bag and drops it on Conner's head before the screen fades to black and we hear the sound of of someone hitting him on the head.]

[Conner moans as his vision returns to him]

Kaitlyn: "Wake up wake up!"

[Conner's wakes up to see Kaitlyn standing over him.]

Kaitlyn: "Your finally up."

Conner: " Urraagh! That ginger bastard needs to learn the difference between knocking someone out and giving them a concussion. [He staggers to his feet and stands up.] So what's the deal with you and me?"

Kaitlyn: "Well you and me have the rest of the day to spend together. [She runs off into town.]

Conner: "Hey! Wait up!" [He follows after her.]

[A Montage of Conner and Kaitlyn spending time together plays to Only A Woman by DVDA]

[Conner and Kaitlyn walk in the park together. Kaitlyn walks up to a swing only to find their all taken. Conner walks up and all the other kids get off and run away.]

"I need this I need love I need you."

I don't need one heartbeat I need two."

"There's an emptiness I need to fill and only one emptiness will do."

[Kaitlyn gets on a swing and and Conner pushes her.]

"Only A Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can touch me the right way."

[Kaitlyn gets off the swing and slaps Conner on the butt causing him to blush. She giggles with amusement as he turns red.]

"Only a woman is allowed to touch me there all I ask is that your a woman."

[We then see Conner and Kaitlyn riding down Phil Collins hill on a sled. They look into each others eyes as they sled]

"I like rain I like hair I like you."

"Your around your right here so you'll do."

[They don't look where they're going and their sled crashes sending them rolling and tumbling into the snow.]

"I wanna tell you how much I love your mind but it simply isn't true."

[They look into each others eyes.]

"Only a Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can touch me the right way yeah."

[Before Conner can say anything Kaitlyn kisses him on the lips.]

"Only a woman is allowed to do what your doing right now."

"All I ask is that your a woman."

[Cuts to Cartman's bedroom where two small figures are obviously having sex under the covers with the lights off.]

"And on Saturdays when I've been partying hard and it's 4 in the morning and I'm on my 5th tab of E that's the only time I don't even care if you are a woman!"

[The lights come on and Cartman rips off the cover revealing Mr Kitty having a cat orgy in his bed.]

Cat #1: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Cat #2: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Cat #3: [Pleasurably] "Meow!"

Mr Kitty: [Orgasms with pleasure.] "MEEEEEOOOOOOOW!"

Cartman: "YOUR ALL VERY BAD KITTEH'S!"

[He hits them with a stick and they scatter as we cut back to Conner and Kaitlyn who are now ice skating on Stark's Pond. ]

"Only a Woman can brighten up my day Only a Woman can do it just the right way."

[Conner slips and falls but Kaitlyn catches him before falling on her butt.]

"Only a Woman should be doing that right now."

[She helps him back up but he falls face first into her crotch spot causing her to blush deep red from embarrassment.]

"I just want you to be a woman."

[He gets up and helps her get to her feet.]

"Please just be a woman."

[She trips and falls landing face first on his crotch.]

"Or a man."

[The montage ends as Conner and Kaitlyn sit on the bench sit on opposite sides of the bench both very embarrassed about going "all the way" on their first date.]

Conner: [Embarrassed] "Uh...wow I haven't had that good a time in a long time."

Kaitlyn: [Embarrassed] "Uh...yeah I really had a great time." [Inside her head she thinks] (" Wow he's bigger than I thought he would be. Wait what am I thinking? I think those adult video tapes in the counselors drawer are rubbing off on me.)

Conner: [Also thinking inside his head] ("This is the closest I've ever gotten to a girl before. doesn't smell half bad. Wait what am I thinking? Ugh I think those magazines Jimbo keeps under my bed are rubbing off on me.")

[They both blush deep red at the thoughts they're having about each other.]

Conner and Kaitlyn at the same time: "Well it's been fun but I've got to get back for dinner" [They both cover their mouths with their hands.] "See you tomorrow!"

[Conner heads back home while Kaitlyn sits down and watches him]

[Conner returns home to Jimbo's house only to find a police car waiting there.]

Conner: "What's going on?"

[He goes up to the front door and rings the bell. Officer Barbrady answers it.]

Officer Barbrady: "Excuse me young man this is a police situation here we've got a missing kid."

Conner: "A missing kid?"

Officer Barbrady: "Have you seen this little boy?" [He holds up a picture.]

Conner: [Facepalms] "Officer that's you in a Chibi Sailor Moon costume...and your not wearing any underwear...and your standing over an air vent."

[Shows Officer Barbrady dressed as Sailor Chibi Moon complete with pink hair,ribbons and dress and he's eating a hotdog while the passing air vent blows up his skirt revealing his penis and hairy legs.]

Officer Barbrady: "Oh right that was Nan Desu Kan last year." [He takes out another picture.] "Have you seen this little boy" His name is Conner Kerns and he lives here."

Conner: "I'm gonna go upstairs and throw up now."

Officer Barbrady: "Okay then move along there's nothing to see here. Say that kid seems familiar to me."

[Conner walks into the living room to find Jimbo and Ned who's wearing curlers and a robe waiting for him.]

Jimbo: "There you are Conner you've had me and Ned worried sick all day."

Ned: "Hmm Where have you been young man?"

Conner: "I...kinda...met... a girl and we sorta...you know."

Jimbo: "Aw that's okay Conner I remember when I was your age. You remembered to use protection right?"

Conner: "Uh what?"

Jimbo: "Oh Crap did you at least manage to pull out in time?"

Conner: "Well yeah I pulled out before we reached the bottom of the hill."

Jimbo: "That's good but next time wear some of these." [He reaches into his vest and takes out a box of Gladiator Lil Minis condoms.] "There's instructions on how to use them on the box."

Conner: "Uh? Okay I guess."

Ned: " Hmm Now go upstairs and get showered before dinner young man."

Conner: "Oh okay then. [He turns to leave then stops.] Wait Jimbo can I ask you something?"

Jimbo: "Sure what is it?"

Conner: "Why do carry around Lil Mini condoms in your pocket?"

Jimbo: [Nervous] "Uh well...because I know how much your growing up Conner and I wanted to be ready for this occasion."

Conner: "Oh Okay then see you guys at dinner." [He leaves and goes upstairs]

Jimbo: [Wipes his brow again.] "Phew he must never know."

[That night Conner has dinner with Jimbo and Ned in the living room while watching TV.]

TV: "Nature's fury when man and beast collide on the backroads and highways of America Road Kill Caught on Tape."

[A live action montage of fake animals getting hit by cars plays with country music in the background.]

Jimbo: "So Conner how was your first day at school?"

Conner: [disinterested] "Oh it was fine I guess."

Jimbo: "Is something wrong? you've barely eaten your beaver or your camel toes."

Conner: "No it's just I was the only thing people at school were talking about today."

Jimbo: "Well that's great your getting popular."

Conner: "It's not that Jimbo they were talking about what I did before."

Jimbo: "Oh...right...Well Conner your the new kid and part of being the new kid at school is that the other kids are going to beat you down and treat you like crap to see if your tough or a pussy and it sounds to me like your tough. That's good now it's better to be feared because your tough than to be beat up for being a pussy."

Conner: "I suppose if beats living hand to mouth in the wilderness by yourself." [He looks down at his dinner and takes a reluctant bite.]

[Later that night as Conner steps into his bedroom and starts to climb into his bed he stops.]

Conner: "How long have you been watching me?"

?: "Long Enough."

[Mysterion swoops down from the roof and somersaults onto Conner's windowsill.]

Mysterion: "So I see you've been making new friends."

Conner: "Yeah I think."

Mysterion: "Why did that creepy ginger kid have you at gunpoint?"

Conner: "He said he wanted me to meet his boss."

Mysterion: "Scott Tenorman?"

Conner: "No didn't you see where he took me?"

Mysterion: "Well no actually I kinda sorta."

[Cuts back to Grant leading Conner into the woods.]

Conner: [distant] "Forgive me if I sound rude but you don't exactly look Canadian to me."

Grant: [Distant sarcastic] "Oh sorry guy let me do something aboot that." [He farts]

[Mysterion follows them from tree branch to tree branch]

Grant: [Distant] "Is that better Buddeh?"

Conner: [Distant] "Sorry not trying to make any waves or nothing. By the way what the Lions-Redbacks final score last week?"

Grant: [Distant] "7-5 Damn it stop distracting me! I am not some flop headed fart loving stereotype."

[Mysterion continues to pursue them]

Mysterion: [Muttering] "What have you gotten yourself into this time Conner?"

Conner: [Distant] "But you do fart I mean you just did right?"

Grant: [distant] If I didn't have orders to bring you here alive I'd kill you right here right now."

Conner: [distant] "Sure you would."

[Mysterion leaps to the next tree branch which snaps sending him falling to the ground.]

Mysterion: "AAAAAAAHHHHH! *Snap* [He lands on the ground and breaks his neck]

Stan: [In his room] "Oh My God they killed Kenny."

Kyle: [In his room.] "You bastards!"

[Flashback ends.]

Conner: "You were very lucky you landed on your feet from a fall of that height you could have broken your neck and died."

Mysterion: [Sarcastic] "Yeah lucky me so who was that kid working for?"

Conner: "Just someone out of my past."

Mysterion: "What did this person want."

Conner: [He thinks back to what Hook said.]

Hook: [His voices echoes in the back of Conner's mind.] "You think that just because you came to your senses and surrendered that it's gonna change how they think about you? Your damaged goods to them Kurtz just like us. Look at yourself Conner your not some boy down the street to them. You think that just because you pulled some kidnapped kids out of that hellhole in South America that that's going to change what they think of you? To them you'll always be a threat Conner a juvenile delinquent a menace to their idea of what a child should be." Here you can have a purpose in life again, A just cause worth fighting for, I want to help you Conner, I want you to join the Lost Boys Army. Conner? Conner?"

Mysterion: "Conner!"

Conner: "Huh? Oh sorry I guess I kinda spaced out here."

Mysterion: "You want to tell me where exactly you went today?"

Conner: "I think it's best we gather the rest of the guys first. They need to hear about this too. If my hunch is right the entire town of South Park and everyone we know and love might be in danger."

[Cut to Commercial.]


	4. Chapter 4

[Return from Commercial.]

[Conner wakes up to find himself lying next to Kaitlyn on a picnic blanket. She's wearing a floral dress and sunday hat.]

Kaitlyn: "Wakey wakey sleepy head."

Conner: [Groans] "Where am I?"

Kaitlyn: "You took a little cat nap silly. [She giggles and sits up] Come on I packed this picnic for the two of us and your gonna eat it if I have to feed you like a baby."

Conner: "You say that like you want it to come to that."

Kaitlyn: "Oh you." [She smiles and reaches into her basket and takes out a sandwich] "Hope you like PB and J because I made a lot of it."

Conner: "I suppose you can't go wrong with it."

[He takes the sandwich and prepares to take a bite when suddenly an explosion goes off in the distance.]

Kaityln: "What's going on?" [She grabs hold of Conner's arm for safety.]

Conner: "Kaitlyn find somewhere to hide I'll be right back."

[He leaves her at the picnic site and runs down the hill to see a billows of smoke rising all over South Park. Explosions and the sounds of gunfire rock the area.]

Conner: "OH MY GOD!"

[Conner rushes toward the sounds of Chaos to find the town of South Park under attack. homes and cars lie in ruins and there's flames and dead bodies everywhere He sees Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman running for their lives.]

Kyle: "CONNER YOU'VE GOT TO HELP US!"

Conner: "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Kyle: "THEY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! THEY'RE KILLING EVERYBODY!"

Conner: "WHO?"

Stan: "THEY'RE HERE!"

[A 4th grader wearing a suicide vest charges them]

Kenny: [Muffled] "SUICIDE BOMBER!"

[Kenny tackles the boy to the ground just as he detonates his vest blowing the parka wearing boy to pieces and knocking Conner and the boys out cold.]

Stan: [Shell shocked and Distorted] "OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KENNY!"

Kyle: [Shellshocked and distorted] "YOU BASTARDS!"

[Conner fades in and out as his ears ring from the force of the blast. He tries to get up but he's too shaken to even stand and he feels a shooting pain in his leg. He looks down and sees a shard of shrapnel has pierced his thigh. Then he sees Colonel walk up to him accompanied by a squad of his soldiers]

Colonel: "You disappoint me Kurtz." [He kicks Conner in the head and knocks him out.]

[Conner comes to in the school playground which has been turned into a improvised execution yard. He can feel his hands tied up tight and sees the headless bodies of several of the townspeople lying everywhere. Their heads are placed on spikes or hang from strings on the jungle gym.]

Colonel Hook: "Good your awake I didn't want you to miss this."

[The Colonel's troops fire their guns into the air in victory as Conner is dragged by two 6th graders . He looks around to see many of the adults he knows being executed.

Lu Kim: "No no not the Shitty frying oil!" [The soldiers dump a bucket of boiling frying oil on his head. The restaurant owner screams in agony and finally chokes out a death rattle.]

Mr Slave: "Oh Jesus! Jesus Christ NO!" [A large stake is shoved up his rectum and placed upright like what Vlad the Impaler used to do. He chokes out blood as the stake slowly rises out of his mouth."

Sheila: [Is strapped to an improvised electric chair on a American flag stage with Gerald "OH SWEET JEHOVAH THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING KYLE PLEASE CLOSE YOUR EYES BUBBE MOMMY LOVES YOU VERY...[She screams as the executioner a kindergardener throws the switch. A Lost Boys Marching Band accompanies her screams with an instrumental of Blame Canada.]

[Conner is finally dragged to a killing field where the boys are being tied to posts to be executed.]

Kyle: "MOM! DAD!" [He closes his eyes trying to fight back the tears]

[Gerald and Shelia stop moving.]

[The guards throw Conner to the ground hard.]

Colonel Hook: "Well well well looks like the gangs all here."

Stan: "CONNER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THEM!"

Colonel Hook: "You and you little friends should joined our cause Kurtz, Would have saved yourselves a world of hurt. But now that you've shunned my offer I have you choice but to treat you as enemy personnel."

Conner: "DAMN IT HOOK THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME!"

[Hook turns around and pulls out a Colt Python and shoots Conner in his good leg sending an explosion of pain through his body. He looks down to see exposed bone in his leg.]

Conner: "AARRRRRAAAAAAAAAGH! [Tears run from his eyes]

Hook: "THAT'S FOR INSUBORDINATION MARINE!

[Conner winces on the ground in pain]

One Year ago this town brought the world to the brink of armageddon and all over the country our parents came together to push it over the edge. Today is only the beginning of our revolution the Lost Boys Army cannot be stopped not by you or your friends or anyone else.

[He walks over to Stan and points the revolver in his face, the boy in the red poof ball hat is too frightened to speak. Hook squeezes the trigger blowing Stan's brains all over the school yard wall.]

Kyle: [Hysterical] "STAAAAAAAAAAN! *BANG! [Hook Shots Kyle in the head cutting his scream off with a spray of brain matter.]

Cartman: [Hysterical] "OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD! OH MY GAWD! [He gives way to hysterically sobbing and pants wetting before Hook puts the revolver to his temple and fires blowing open Cartman's head like a meaty watermelon of skull blood flesh sinew and brain matter."

Conner: "STAN KYLE CARTMAN YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THIS!

[Against all odds Conner tries to break loose of his bonds but it proves futile as Colonel Hook simply walks over and kicks him in the face.]

Colonel Hook: "It's a shame you were a good warrior Kurtz but you never could take extra step that had to be done." [He tosses his revolver on the ground and picks up Conner by his shirt.]

[Conner looks into the madman's colorless eyes as the gravity of the situation sinks in.] "Goodbye Kurtz." [He places his Hook against Conner's throat and slashes it wide open spraying blood everywhere. Conner falls to the ground as Hook releases him and sees Grant and Kaitlyn standing next to the madman. Grant is smiling with satisfaction while Kaitlyn looks guilt ridden. Conner's eyes widen with shock at seeing her.]

Conner: "Ka...it...lyn...why?" [He chokes to death on his own blood before his eyes open and he springs up in his bed in shock and screams! He feels his throat and is surprised to find it still intact. He takes several fast frantic breathes as cold sweat covers his entire body.]

[Suddenly there's a knock at the door.]

Jimbo: "Conner! Conner is everything alright? Is there an intruder in the house?"

Ned: "Mmm He's not responding Jimbo!"

Jimbo: "Break down the Door" [Jimbo shoots off the door knob and kicks the door in. He sees Conner in a state of shock.] "Conner! CONNER! [He shakes Conner trying to break his trance.] "This doesn't look Ned call an ambulance.!"

Ned: "Mmm Right away."

[Cut to shot of Hell's Pass Hospital exterior the next morning followed by a shot of Conner lying in a hospital bed and wearing a oxygen mask to help him breathe. Jimbo, Ned and Doctor Gouache walk into the room. Jimbo looks worried while Ned is sobbing like a mother worried about her child's safety]

Doctor Gouache: "Your son is doing much better than last night Mr Kerns we had to sedate him so he would fall asleep but his adrenaline levels are returning to normal and his heart rate is back to safer levels. He will have to stay here a few days to recuperate until we can get a proper diagnosis of which caused this episode."

Jimbo: "Thanks Doctor you've been a real help to us."

Ned: [Sniffing] "Hmm Doctor could we have a few minutes alone with our baby boy."

Doctor Gouache: "Of Course I have a patient waiting for a liver to cook [He realizes] SHIT! I MEAN TRANSPLANT! I GOTTA GET TO THE BREAK ROOM!" [He darts out in a hurry leaving Jimbo and Ned alone with Conner.]

Ned: [Sobs on Jimbo's shoulder] "Oh Jimbo I can't bear to see our little boy like this!" [Sobbing]

Jimbo: [Slaps him] "Get it together Ned your acting like your on your period or something. Now right now Conner needs us to be strong for him."

Ned: "Your Right Jimbo!" [Wipes away his tears]

Jimbo: "Alright quiet he's waking up."

[Conner slowly opens his eyes]

Jimbo: "Hey sport how are you feeling?"

[Conner looks around the room]

Ned: [Hugs him tight] "Oh Conner my baby you had me worried so sick!" [Jimbo whacks him with a rolled up newspaper until he lets go]

Jimbo: "Ned when we get home we're going to have a serious talk about your behavior over some hardcore porno." [He turns to Conner] "Conner your in the hospital, You had a nightmare and went into a trance but everything's gonna be okay now." [He takes out a can of beer.] "Look I brought you a tall cold one to help calm you down." [He opens it and puts a loopy straw in it handing it to Conner]

Conner: [Looks at the beer] "I'm not very thirsty at the moment Jimbo."

Jimbo: "You sure? Well okay I'll just leave it here incase you change your mind." [He puts it on the nightstand.] "Is there anything else we can get you to help you feel comfortable? An extra pillow? some Ice cream? A Hustler magazine?"

Conner: "Well there is one thing you can get me."

Jimbo: "Name it."

Conner: "Can you get your Nephew Stan and his friends out of school for the day I have to talk to them. it's really urgent."

Jimbo: "Of course Conner come on Ned we gotta go pick up the boys."

[They leave the room and walk pass Doctor Gouache who's carrying a microwaved liver in his hands.]

Doctor Gouache: "Oo ow oo oo hot hot hot hot hot." [He tosses it up and down trying not to burn his hands] "Gangway Liver for transplant stat!" [He steps in a bucket and trips sending the hot liver flying into Nurse Goodley's face who screams and tries to get it off with her nonexistent hands.]

[Cuts to the boys Standing at the bus stop.]

Stan: "So Kenny did you find Conner last night?"

Kenny: [muffled] "Yep he told me that's it very important that we meet him as soon as possible."

Kyle:" Why's that?"

Kenny: [Muffled] "Well He said...[Kenny is struck and hit by Jimbo's SUV and sent flying into a snowblower. He screams as the blades cut him to ribbons.]

Stan: "Oh My God They Killed Kenny!"

Kyle: "You Bastards!"

[Jimbo rolls down the window.]

Jimbo: "Damn I must have hit another Raccoon crossing the road."

Stan: "Uncle Jimbo! What are you doing here?"

Jimbo: "Hop in boys we're going to the hospital to see Conner."

Stan: "Conner's in the hospital? is he going to be alright?"

Jimbo: "He had little episode last night and went into shock but he's alright."

Kyle: "But we have to go to school today."

Cartman: "Kahl now is not the time to go looking a gift horse in the mouth." [He opens the door and climbs in the backseat.]

[Stan and Kyle look at each other and shrug and climb in too.]

[Jimbo pulls away as we the snowblower blowing red snow off the driveway and into the yard along with shreds of Kenny's parka.]

[Cut to Hell's Pass Hospital]

[A little old lady with a walker is walking out along with a doctor and nurse.]

Doctor: "Alright Mrs Albertson your hip replacement should be fully healed and be working just fine."

Mrs Albertson: "Thank you so much."

Nurse: "You take care of yourself and call us if there's any problems at all okay? You have a nice day."

[The doctor and nurse leave. Mrs Albertson takes two steps with her walker and is immediately run over by Jimbo's SUV and then backed on top of as he parks it.]

Mrs Albertson:"Oooh my hip my hip!"

Jimbo: " Damn Must have hit a deer crossing the parking lot or something, hope the bumpers not too messed up, oh well come on boys Conner is inside waiting for us."

[Jimbo, Ned and the boys including Kenny get out of the car and go into the hospital leaving Mrs Albertson writhing in pain."

Mrs Albertson: "Oooh!"

[Jimbo Ned and the boys race up the stairs to Conner's room only to find he's gone and only Gunny his stuffed dog in his place.]

Ned: "OH WHY WHY WHY!" [He grabs Gunny and breaks down sobbing]

Jimbo: "Poor Conner Why?" [Also begins crying]

[Nurse Goodley walks in.]

Nurse Goodley: "If your looking for Conner Kerns he's right next door at the moment."

Jimbo: "Next Door?"

[Jimbo and Ned charge through the door knocking over Nurse Goodley only to find the room next door is the morgue.]

Jimbo: "OH GOD NO CONNER!" [He pounds on the door and begins sobbing again.]

Ned: [Voicebox] "I'll never see my baby boy again!" [Starts sobbing]

[Meanwhile the boys help Nurse Goodley up as a toilet flushes and Conner walks out of the men's bathroom which is right next door to the morgue and across the hall from his room.]

Kyle: "Oh hey Conner what's up dude?"

Conner: "I'm in the hospital had to pee nothing much."

Jimbo: [Turns around] "Conner?" [He and Ned charge toward him knocking over Nurse Goodley in the process again. They pick him up and hug him.] "Thank God your still alive."

Conner: "Of course why wouldn't I be?"

Jimbo: "Never mind let's just get you back to your room."

[Jimbo and Ned put him back down and they all walk into Conner's room, each one taking the time to step on Nurse Goodley.]

Nurse Goodley: "Ouch."

Kyle: "So what exactly did you have to tell us about so bad?"

Conner: [Looks out the window.] "You guys are some of the best friends I could ask for you stood by my side when the shit was up to my eyeballs, I'll never forget that."

Stan: "Uh Thanks Dude."

Conner: "Kenny already knows the scoop but for the rest of you I'll keep it brief." I'm in here because I had a traumatic nightmare and went into shock."

Cartman: "Are you gonna eat that cookie?"

Conner: "You want it take it but it's Oatmeal raisin."

Cartman: "Yeeagh! that's fucking disgusting."

Conner: "As I was saying I had a nightmare last night and before you ask it had nothing to do with the Pandemic."

Kyle: "Well what happened in your dream?"

Conner: [sighs and turns to face them] "He killed everyone Kyle...our parents your parents everyone we know and love and then he killed you guys in front of me."

Kyle: "Who killed us."

Conner: "An old friend of mine from military school Corporal Jack Hook or Colonel as he calls himself now."

Stan: "Okay Conner this a lot to take in why don't you just slow down and explain just what exactly is going on here."

[Conner sits down on the bed and looks at his tags.]

Conner: "It was the Height of the American-Canadian war of 1999."

[The screen fades to a flashback as we cut to a commercial]


	5. Chapter 5

[Return from Commercial break.]

[A series of clips from South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut plays while Conner narrates.]

Conner: [narrating] "You boys know how the story goes, some kids go into an R rated movie their parents go off the deep end some poor bastards burns himself to death and the whole nation is crying out Blame Canada. Before you know it we're at war Terrence and Phillip are set to be executed and tomorrow we march on Ottawa."

[Shows Conner's platoon along with Colonel Hook reading Kyle's message on the internet. Colonel Hook has hair in a pale blonde flattop, his face is unscarred as is Conner's and he still has both hands.]

It was Hook who got your email first along with a link to some woman getting shat on by two German guys."

[Shows Conner and Hook and the whole platoon looking at the screen in horror.]

Cartman: [Innocently] "Gee I wonder who that could be."

Kenny: [Muffled] "It was your Mom!" [He starts laughing along with the rest of the boys.]

Cartman: "SHUT THE FUCK UP YEW GUYS! IT WASN'T THAT FUNNY!"

Kyle: "Hell Yeah it was!"

Conner: "Alright you guys that's enough [He laughs a little] Scheisse. Anyway It was Hook that came up with a plan to steal a getaway plane to make sure Terrence and Phillip got home safely. We got our hands on every Young Marine that would defect to our cause and gathered the resources we would need to affect the takeover of the base until we could get the getaway plane into the air.

[The story flashes back to a meeting in an undisclosed place. Hook is briefing the Young Marines in attendance with a swagger stick and a projector.]

Hook: "Is everybody here? Good now we don't have a lot of time so we'll keep this brief in less than 18 hours Terrence and Phillip will be executed so we have to act fast. We've gotten in contact with a group in Colorado that says they are going to spring Terrence and Phillip from the Canadian Interment camp and they're looking for someone to get them a getaway plane. That's where we come in.

[He presses the button showing a C-130 in a hangar]

Hook: "I've volunteered our Company to preform a marching drill at the USO show. We'll be flying in this C-130 under military protection directly to the internment camp where the USO will be being held."

[He clicks the button again showing a slide of the USO show.]

"They've built a makeshift airfield for the planes preparing to carry paratroopers in for the invasion of Canada tomorrow. Our objective is to seize control of the airfield long enough to get Terrence and Phillip on the plane and ensure the airspace remains clear all the way to Canada.

[He moves to the next slide showing an overhead view of the USO Show.]

"To seize and take the airfield long enough to complete the operation we'll need to complete 8 steps. Marines what are those steps?"

"1!"

[A group of kids stand up]

Kids: "Seize the control tower and adjacent security building!"

Hook: "2!"

[two boys wearing construction gear with their fatigues stand up.]

Kids: "Disable the alarms and comms!"

Hook: "3!"

[A group of kids carrying sniper rifles stand up!]

Snipers: "Neutralize the watchtowers!"

Hook: "4!"

[A group of kids including Conner stand up!]

Kids and Conner: "Access the Runway tunnels!"

Hook: "5!"

[Two kids dressed as pilots stand up.]

Pilots: "Free the caged loon!"

Hook: "6!"

[A group of kids wearing ski masks stand up.]

Kids: "Catch a ride to the pickup!"

Hook: "7!"

Kids: "Deliver the HVI to the airfield!"

Hook: "8!"

All the kids: "Get the fuck over the border!"

[Camera pans to Hook's face illuminated by the projector.]

Hook: "Oorah lock and load you little bastards!"

[A montage of the children prepping their gear plays while Conner narrates. The children switch their blank magazines for the show with ones loaded with live ammo. The band members meanwhile load secret compartments in their instrument cases with equipment like bolt cutters, C4, detonators, grenades, and weapons attachments.]

Conner narrating: "The mission was snatch and grab, seize the airport secure a plane collect Terrence and Phillip and fly them the fuck over that border right under the noses of Mothers Against Canada. I knew it would cost me a piece of myself but I never suspected it would go tits up so fast.

[The scene changes to the Young Marines airplane landing at the USO air show.]

Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the American Army Welcome to the USO Show!"

[The plane pulls into the hangar and the Marines led by Gunnery Sergeant Barry Halfcock exit via the side door.]

[Two army trucks pull up and a show organizer gets out to greet them.]

Organizer: "Are You the San Diego Young Marines Drill Team?"

Halfcock: "That's us Gunnery Sergeant Barry Halfcock at your service. [He shakes hands with him.] I gotta tell you these boys and girls have been looking forward to this for all week."

Organizer: "I'm Steve I've been assigned to watch over you brave little heroes and make sure have everything you need before you go on stage. If you'll just follow me we'll get you all set up.

[The Marines load their instruments and rifles into the truck and climb aboard.]

[As the truck drives out of the hanger Steve and Halfcock discuss the show schedule.]

Steve: "So the show is going to start with the antics of Yippie the flipping dog and then we're going to move on to the juggling act and then afterwards..."

[Steve rambling fades as we see the Marines passing a Ka Bar knife to each other.]

Steve: "And then after Bob Hope you guys are on. I bet your real excited.

Hook: [Takes the knife.] "Yeah" [He stabs Steve in the chest. The throwaway character falls down the dead.] "We've been rehearsing all week."

Halfcock: [Stands up] "HOOK WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?"

[The other Marines point their rifles at him. Someone puts a gun to his head.]

Conner: "Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to sit back down."

Halfcock: "What in the name of Sister Mary is going on here!?"

Conner: "We're putting an end to this war sir." [He hands Halfcock his dogtags and rips the unit patch off his uniform before handing him that too.] "I'm gonna turn myself in when this mission is done. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. [He pistol whips the DI in the head]

[Hook pounds on the front of the truck.]

Hook: "DRIVER! DRIVER! STOP THE TRUCK FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

[The soldier driving stops the truck, gets out and heads for the back of the truck.]

Driver: "What's the problem? [Hook answers his question with a silenced pistol shot to the head.]

Hook: "Get the body in the back! Baker your tallest I want you up front driving Harley and Charley I need you two working the pedals."

[An averaged height 3rd grade boy and two identical kindergardeners a boy and girl step out and commandeer the cab while the other Marines load the drivers body into the back. The truck drives off as the Marines in the back open the instrument cases revealing the equipment they smuggled in earlier and switch their rifle magazines from blanks to live ammo."

Hook: [Calls to the cab.] Alright the control tower is at the end of this runway up ahead next to base security. I want internal comms dark in less then 10 Mikes got it?"

[The truck drives toward the control tower as we see the MP's ignoring the security cameras and instead watching the show on a tv.]

Big Gay Al: [On TV] "Thank You Mr Hope it's always to a pleasure to have you hear at our shows. Ahem next up is a darling little troop of boys and girls from San Diego California."

[The truck stops behind the base security building and the Young Marines get out and head for the front entrance.]

Hook: "Step 1"

Big Gay Al: "Please give a rousing applause to the San Diego Young Marine Corps Drill Team!...[A rousing instrumental march of the Marine Corps hymn begins to play but the Marines aren't there.] Ahem Yoo hoo! it's time to come out you little silly buns!

[The Platoon breaches the door and opens fire with suppressed rifles killing the MP's watching while the marine corps hymn changes to a march instrumental of La Resistance.]

Big Gay Al: "Well it seems that our little boys and girls in uniform might be running a little late. Anyhoo for our next act please put your hands together for Steve Martin!"

Hook: "Room clear!" Private Mouse get on the security cameras watch for any signs of suspicion. Private Shockley you and Powers go around the back you should find the circuit breaker for the alarms and the internal comms link. Cut it! Everyone else on me we're taking the tower.

[A short mousey girl with tousled red hair and glasses pushes a dead MP out of a chair and climbs in putting on a headset. Meanwhile Shockley and Powers two boys wearing toolbelts and face shield visors and carrying a Bass case walk out the the door to the back. The rest of the squad including Conner heads up the stairs to the control tower.]

[Outside Shockley and powers break the lock on the fence with a pair of bolt cutters.]

"Powers: "Got it!"

[The two boys carry the case over to the fuseboxes and cut the lock off with the cutters.]

[Shockley takes out a pair of wire cutters and begins cutting the wires to the tower comms.]

Shockley: [Cuts the last one.] Done and done. [He takes out a radio] Come in Hook this Shockley Control tower internal comms have been cut repeat the comms have been cut. your clear to move on the big top."

Hook: [On the radio] "I read you loud and clear Shockley we're moving to breach the tower now proceed with your mission over and out."

Shockley: "Roger Over and out." [He turns off the radio and puts it away.]

[They move on to the access grate to the runway tunnels. Powers takes out a large circular saw and begins cutting into the bolts locking the grate.]

[Meanwhile Hook's team heads up the control room.]

Hook: "Stack up Harley and Charley get a breaching charge on that door."

[Harley stacks up on Charley's shoulders and places a charge on the knob. She then jumps down and the both stack up in the back.]

Harley: "3"

Charley: "2"

Both: "1"

[The charge detonates and the Marines storm the tower and take down the crew members in a hail of bullets.]

Hook: "Hold your fire! [They comply] Pick off any survivors and get this place cleared up."

[The Marines begin plugging the bodies of the tower crew with shots to make sure they're dead. Conner looks at the body of one man who died from a headshot with his eyes still open and dry heaves as if he's going to be sick. Out of empathy Conner closes the corpses eyes. He then finally throws up.]

Hook :[Sees Conner puke] "Pull it together Kurtz there's no going back now we didn't start this war but we're definitely going to end it."

[Conner looks up at Hook as he executes a survivor via gunshot to the head.]

Hook: "Alright we don't have much time people dispose of the bodies and get the explosives prepped and I want the sniper team up here on the double!"

[The Marines comply with some of them moving the bodies to the corner while others lay down bags filled with C4 and detonators and begin booby trapping the control consoles.]

Hook: [Walks up to Conner.] "You look like hammered shit Kurtz? What's wrong.?"

Conner: "N-Nothing Sir nothings wrong."

Hook: [Pulls him aside] "Your a terrible liar Kurtz you better get your shit together because If this fails and we get courtmartialed dishonorably discharged and grounded then our parents our families get sent to slaughter up in Canada. Your parents, mine and everyone else's here get sent into World War Fucking Three! Ask yourself what would Brian Boitano do? [He let's go of his arm and leaves. Conner takes a deep breath and puts a round into the dead man's head.]

Hook: [takes out his radio] "Hook to Mouse what's going on at the show?"

Mouse: "Winona Ryder's helicopter just entered our airspace we don't have much time."

Hook: "Well keep us up to date. [He changes the frequency.] "Private Shockley how is the comms systems coming along.

[Shockley and Powers have finished cutting through the grate and are now working at the circuit breakers under the tower.]

Shockley: "We're in I'll have the power out in less than ten mike's.

Hook: "You have three we're running behind schedule."

Shockley: "Sir that's impossible we could never never get the power shut off in time."

Powers: "Move it!" [He smashes the glass protecting the cables and revs up his circular saw.]

Shockley: "HEY Watch it haven't patched us in yet." [Powers ignores him and continues cutting while Shockley desperately attempts to patch them into communications.] Almost there...Got it." [He finishes just Powers cuts the power shutting off comms inside the base. Mouse: "He's done it internal comms are down."

Hook: "Alright Shockley I need you and powers to cut the power to the tunnel lighting. I'm sending Kurtz to lead team two to the hangar."

Shockley: "Roger we'll be waiting."

Hook: " Private Mouse get our contact in the resistance on the line it's almost ten."

Mouse: "Sir."

Hook [Puts down the Radio] "Alright Kurtz I want you to take Private Davenport down to the tunnels and deliver him to the plane he's our pilot. Take Danforth and Ibanez with you for back up. I'll have Private's Eckert and Harris with sniper support for you when you reach the surface."

Conner: "Yes Sir." [He salutes him and leaves.]

Hook: "And Conner."

[Conner turns back]

Hook: "Remember Brian Boitano."

Conner: "Brian Boitano." [He cocks his rifle and heads down the stairs.]

Private Mouse: [On the Radio] "Sir I've made radio contact with our contact in the Colorado Resistance."

Hook : [Takes up the radio.] "This is Hook come in Yardale do you read me over?"

Yardale: [Posh British accent] "This is Yardale I read you loud and clear Hook over."

Hook: "We've seized the control tower and our team B is moving through the tunnels toward the runway as we speak. We should just be ready to move in time. How are things on your end over?"

[Conner meets up with Ibanez, Delmore and Davenport. Ibanez is a hispanic girl with a ponytail, Delmore is a black boy and Davenport is a caucasian boy. They don night vision goggles and kills the lights to the tunnel. Then they slide down the ladder and begin moving towards the plane. ]

Yardale: "We've got a four man unit infiltrating the show and our backup group is waiting at the ridge to pick up Terrence and Phillip as well as our insurance policy. Did you get the email I sent you? Over "

[Conner's team reaches a fork. He takes out a crude map of the base and looks it over before pointing toward the right and leading them.]

Hook: "Roger that Yardale we got it along with a very disturbing video that almost makes me wish we were at war with the Germans again instead but everything else checks out over."

[Conner's team turn a corner and runs into a unit of soldiers on patrol.]

Sergeant: "Hey what are you kids doing down here?"

Conner: [coldly] "What Brian Boitano would." [He draws his rifle and shoots the Sergeant in the chest as Davenport Ibanez and Delmore dive for cover and return fire."

Yardale: "He's operating as part of the rescue team and he'll be expecting you guys over."

Hook: "But he won't be expecting a one way ticket to Canada as a bargaining chip will he over?"

[Conner's team finishes off the soldiers and makes their way to the runway grate. Conner climbs the ladder and shoots the lock off."

Yardale:"You just deal with the plane I'll deal with the passengers. I've got to go now Big Gay's Al's number just ended Yardale over and out."

Hook: "Copy Yardale over and out." [He changes the frequency to Conner's] "Kurtz can you hear me?"

Conner: [Reaches out with one hand and presses talk.] "Kurtz here loud and clear. we're just outside the hangars waiting on your sniper support over."

Hook: "Roger that over and out." [He changes the frequency again.] Hook to Old Blue do you read me over?"

[Scene changes to show a sniper and a spotter on the roof of the control tower. we see the action through his scope.]

Sniper: "This is Old Blue I read you loud and clear over I've got my eyes on friendlies. [He zooms in on Conner shining a mirror through the grate.]

Hook: "Roger that Eagles Nest you have permission to engage the guard towers.

Spotter: "Got two tangos in sight guard tower to the south."

Sniper: "I got them. [He fires one shot at one of the soldiers hitting him in the dick.]

Soldier: "OW!"

Spotter: "Oh dude you shot him in the dick."

Sniper: "I wasn't trying to."

Spotter: "That's not cool Ralph you don't shoot a guy in the dick."

Sniper: "I was just following the mission."

Spotter: "Just get the other guy before he turns around again."

Sniper: [sighs] "Fine" [He takes aim at the other soldiers head and fires. The bullet bounces off his helmet hits the ceiling and ricochets back into his dick.]

Soldier# 2: "Ow My head! Ow my other head!"

Spotter: "Dude what the fuck are doing?!"

Sniper: "What? I was aiming for his head!"

Spotter: "What did I say about shooting tangos in the dick?"

Sniper: "I-I choked alright."

Spotter: "Shooting tangos in the dick is not cool Ralph saving Terrence and Phillip won't mean anything if we win by shooting tangos in the dick."

Conner: [On the radio] "Guys?" [The scene changes to Conner's point of view as he sees several Canadian planes flying overhead through the vent] "I think we got a bigger problem on our hands."

[The Planes begin dropping paratroopers]

Generic American Soldier: "IT'S THE CANADIANS!"

[Scene changes back to the control tower.]

Hook: "Attention all Marines abort mission I repeat abort mission! everyone get back to the truck."

[The Marines clear the tower and run back down stairs.]

[The scene changes back to Conner and his unit.]

Conner: " WE GOTTA GO NOW WEAPONS HOT! "

[Conner throws off the vent cover and climbs out into the runway!]

Conner: "This way!"

[Delmore, Ibanez and Davenport immediately follow him. They roadie run across the tarmac as the Canadian paratroopers start engaging the Americans.]

Conner narrating: "It was absolute chaos Canadians vs Americans and we were caught right in the middle of the shit storm!"

Conner.: "KEEP RUNNING WE'VE GOT OUR ASSES OUT OF HERE!" [He looks around and sees a Jeep nearby] "QUICKLY BEHIND THE JEEP!" [ The Marines sprint to cover behind the jeep and catch their breath.] "ALRIGHT IBANEZ HOT WIRE THIS JEEP DELMORE YOUR RIDING SHOTGUN! DAVENPORT IN THE BACK I'LL GET ON THE MA DUECE!"

[Ibanez opens the door and begins hot wiring the Jeep while Conner climbs in the back and mans the 50 cal.]

Delmore: "WHO DO WE SHOOT AT AMERICAN OR CANADIAN?"

Conner: [Pulls the bolt back] "SHOOT THEM BOTH!" [He opens fire on a group of Canadian Soldiers headed for them.] "Ibanez HOWS THAT WIRE COMING?"

Ibanez: "VANAMOS I'VE ALMOST GOT IT!" [The engine roars to life and the lights turn on.] "Es un stereotipo negativo pero me quedo con ella." (It's a negative stereotype but I'll take it!) "We're out of here."

[Ibanez places her rifle against the gas pedal and shifts into drive. The Jeep squeals across the tarmac as Conner, Delmore and Davenport fire on any soldiers American or Canadian in their path while Ibanez swerves left and right towards the hangar hitting several soldiers in the process.]

[Back at the Tower Hook piles the Marines into the truck.]

Hook: "MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

[Shockley and Powers climb into the back followed by Mouse. Eckert and Harris rappel down from the tower while Harley Charley and Baker climb into the front seat. Finally when everyone else is on Hook climbs in.]

Hook: "GET TO THE HANGAR!"

[Baker starts the truck and shifts into drive as Charley presses the gas. The truck pulls out of the area.]

Hook: [Takes out a detonator] "Ka Boom!" [He presses it and the control tower explodes blowing out the windows.]

Hook: [Takes out the radio and presses talk.] "HOOK TO YARDALE DO YOU HEAR ME COME IN YARDALE OVER!"

Yardale: [Sounds of gunfire and explosions can be heard.] "THIS IS YARDALE I READ YOU LOUD AND CLEAR OVER!"

Hook: "YARDALE WE'VE GOT CANADIAN PARATROOPERS COMING IN FROM ABOVE! THE AIRFIELD IS COMPROMISED! WHAT'S THE STATUS OF TERRENCE AN PHILLIP OVER?"

Yardale: "THE USO SHOW IS A BLOODY WARZONE OUR MOLE WAS COMPROMISED AND KILLED. TERRENCE AND PHILLIP ARE FREE [A burst of machine gun fire]] BUT WE LOST TRACK OF THEM! THE CANADIANS ARE THROWING EVERYTHING BUT THE BLOODY KITCHEN SINK AT US AND THE AMERICANS ARE MOBILIZING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE OVER!" [Sound of a plane crashing]

Hook: "YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES TO SECURE A VEHICLE AND GET THEM TO THE AIRFIELD OTHERWISE WE'RE LEAVING YOU BEHIND OVER!"

Yardale: "YOU CAN'T DO THIS WE HAD AN ARRANGEMENT...UH OVER!"

Hook: "WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE WE CAN NO LONGER HOLD THE AIRFIELD IF YOU WANT A RIDE OUT DOUBLE TIME IT HOOK OVER AND OUT!"

[Meanwhile Conner's unit pulls into the hangar.]

Conner: [Climbs out] "Davenport you and Ibanez get to the cockpit and get this bird ready to take off Delmore and I will hold off the enemy to buy you some time until the rest of the platoon. gets here!"

Davenport: "Leave it to me Kurtz I could fly this thing in my sleep."

Conner: "Just get going already loudmouth!"

[Davenport and Ibanez board the plane and start the engines while Conner grabs an XM29 Prototype rifle and Delmore grabs an M202 Rocket Launcher and head out to engage the enemy.]

Conner: "DAVENPORT TAKE OUT THOSE WATCH TOWERS!"

Delmore: "LET'S ROCK IT!" [He Fires a rocket into a watchtower sending it crashing to the ground.] "Kurtz We've got snowmobiles closing in!" Several Canadian snowmobiles strapped with explosives and driven by Canadian soldiers wearing maple leaf headbands ride in."

Canadian snowmobilers: "BANZE'H!"

[An Abrams tank attempts to shoot one but the snowmobiles crash into them and explode causing the turret to fly off and land at the boys feet. several other snowmobilers crash into American Vehicles and buildings causing several explosions.]

DELMORE: "JESUS CHRIST THOSE SNOWMOBILERS ARE CANUCK KAMIKAZES!"

Conner: "WE GOTTA TAKE THESE HOPPED UP HOSERS OUT OTHERWISE HOOK AND THE OTHERS WILL BE BLOWN ALL THE TO THUNDER BAY!"

[Conner looks down the high tech infrared scope of his XM29 and sees a pack of snowmobiles headed straight for the hangar He switches to the built in grenade launcher and lines up the trajectory!]

Conner: "EAT THIS HOSE HEAD!" [He fires a grenade shell blowing the kamikaze Canuck to smithereens. Conner and Delmore fire a few more rounds blowing the rest of the kamikazes to pieces.]

Davenport: [Comes on the radio] "Kurtz, Delmore we can't wait anymore! [scene changes to inside the cockpit] I'd suggest you climb aboard if you want a ride out of here! [He pushes up on the throttle and drives the plane out of the hangar. Conner and Davenport both sprint back to the side door and climb aboard as the plane drives onto the tarmac.]

Conner: [Radios Hook] "COME IN HOOK THIS IS KURTZ! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME THE HANGAR IS NO LONGER SECURE WE'RE MOVING IT ONTO THE RUNWAY OVER!"

Hook:[On the radio.] "YOUR WHAT!"

Conner: "WE'LL FIND SOME WAY TO PICK YOU GUYS UP."

Hook: "I SEE YOU GUYS KURTZ I NEED YOU TO DROP THE CARGO BAY DOOR BAKER CAN DRIVE IT IN THE BACK OVER!"

Conner: "Alright but we're not staying very long get to the runway pronto!"

[Conner moves to the back of the plane and grabs the cargo bay release lever. He grunts and plants his leg into the wall for leverage as he pulls the tight lever down. Finally the lever goes down and the cargo bay door opens as the alarm sounds.]

Conner: "HOOK THE CARGO BAY DOOR IS OPEN HURRY UP AND GET YOUR ASS ON BOARD OVER!

Davenport: [Comes on the radio] "SIR THE RUNWAY IS A WAR ZONE WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 30 SECONDS!"

[The plane taxies onto the runway and turns as the truck closes in on it.]

Hook: "ALRIGHT DAVENPORT GET ROLLING WE'LL RIDE UP IN THE BACK BEHIND YOU!"

Davenport: "ROGER BEGINNING TAKEOFF OVER AND OUT!

Hook: [To the passengers] "ALRIGHT MARINES HOLD ONTO YOUR SKIVVIES THIS IS GONNA BE A ROUGH RIDE."

[The plane begins to taxi down the runway with the truck following. Suddenly several Jeeps join the pursuit one of them shining a search light on the Marines.]

Jeep Commander: "Attention kids this is the military police stop the aircraft immediately!"

[Hook reaches down and picks up a China Lake grenade launcher.]

Hook: [Takes aim at the Jeep] "Shut you fucking face uncle fucker!" [He fires and blows the jeep into the air where it lands on it's roof.] "FUCK YOUR FUCKING FACES UNCLE FUCKERS!" [He slam fires the china lake destroying a second jeep and causing the third to swerve off the runway.]

Conner: [Calls out to him.] "HOOK STEP ON IT!"

[Charley pushes the gas to the max and the truck drives up the ramp and into the cargo hold just as the plane begins to lift off. Conner quickly throws the cargo door lever up and closes it.]

Conner: "Phew"

[The plane ascends into the sky slowly while down below the battle between the Americans and the Canadians rages on.]

[Onboard the cargo plane Hook and the other Marines climb out of the back of the truck.]

Hook: "Everybody strap in we're in for some rough skies! [He walks up to the cockpit along with Conner.] " Private Davenport what's the status on our fuel supply!"

Davenport: "Depends what direction you want to go in."

[Conner looks out the window and sees the battle raging below!]

Conner: "We failed! After all that effort we failed." [He suddenly notices the ground open up and demons begin flying out of it] "What the hell Hook I think you better have a look this!]

[Hook runs over to Conner just in time to see Satan and Saddam Hussein rise out of the ground.]

Hook: "What in the world?"

[Suddenly the plane shakes violently Conner and Hook look out to see several little black winged demons ripping apart the engines!]

Davenport: "Guys We've just lost engine..."

Conner: "Yeah We know!"

[The Demons rip open the fuel valve and take turns lighting each others farts causing the fuel to ignite and spread to the rest of the wing. the plane begins to plummet.]

Davenport: "JESUS CHRIST THIS IS IT WE'RE DONE FOR GAME OVER MAN GAME OVER! [Suddenly something lands on the roof]

Conner: "What was that?" [He and Hook both aim their weapons at the roof. Suddenly a big scary black monster rips the roof off and grabs Davenport."

Davenport: [Shrieks and wets his pants] OH MY GOD HELP ME![ His screams of terror are cut short by the monster opening it's mouth and eating him!"

Conner and Hook: "RICHARRRRRRRRRRRD!"

Monster: "NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"

Conner: "He's eating him."

Hook: "And then he's gonna eat us!"

Conner and Hook: "OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

[The plane slams into the ground hard snapping in two and sending the truck and several of the Marines plunging out the back. Conner and Hook both slam head first to the floor and are dazed as the plane's wings snap off and the front end skids and rolls violently across the ground until it's finally comes to a stop over the edge of a portal to hell.]

[Conner comes to the cockpit is dangling upside down over the portal to hell.]

Hook: [In pain] "Kurtz...help...me!"

[Hook dangles for his life from the cockpit window frame. His arm is broken and his wrist is dislocated and badly lacerated to the point that's it's just barely hanging on. the only thing holding it in place is the debris that his arm is pinned under.]

Hook: [Holds out his good arm "Give...me...your hand!"

[Conner crawls over and grabs hold of it.]

Conner: "I've got you just hold on."

[He tries to pull Hook up but the debris his arm's pinned under makes it impossible.]

Conner: [Feels his grip begin to slip] "URGH"

Hook: [begging] "Please Conner please don't let me fall please don't let me fall."

[Suddenly the boys hear the sound of music followed by a woman singing.]

Woman: "There's got to be a morning after if we can hold on through the night."

Conner: "Do you hear that?"

Hook: "Yeah it sounds like the song from the upside down ship movie."

Conner: "What upside down ship movie?"

Hook: "You know the one where that cruise ship get's hit by a big wave and get's tipped upside down and Gene Hackman has to save everybody."

[Conner notices a angel with black hair and a crooked looking nose fly up next to them.

Woman: "We have a chance to find the sunshine let's keep on looking for the light. Hello boys are you in need of rescue?"

Hook: "Yes please I'm trapped under this debris and I don't know how long I can hold on!"

Woman: "Well then. [She instantly changes into...a Succubus her voice turns demonic.] Allow me!"

[Both boys scream as the succubus tries to drag Hook down. Conner tries to hold on but Hook's hand begins to detach. Conner tries shooting the succubus but the bullets have no effect."

Hook: [Hysterical with fear] "CONNER PLEASE DO SOMETHING!"

Conner: [Draws his Ka Bar and throws it hitting the succubus in the eye.]

Succubus: "ARGH! MY EYE!" [Her grip slips to Hook's leg and increased weight finally snaps his mangled hand from his wrist!]

HOOK: "CONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEER!" [He plummets down to hell with the succubus holding onto him laughing maniacally all the way.]

Conner: "JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" [He watches helpless as his comrade is pulled down to hell. he looks and sees he's still holding Hook's mangled severed hand and finally collapses from his wounds and exhaustion.]

[Conner awakens lying down on a stretcher being loaded into an ambulance. He hears the sound of music but this time from a man."

Chef: [singing] "Everything worked out with a happy end Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down!"

Boys:[singing] "Don't you our little lives are now complete!"

Mom's: [singing] "Cause Terrence and Phillip are sweet."

Sheila: [Kisses Terrence] "Super sweet."

Everyone: [singing] "Thank God we live in this quiet little pissant redneck podunk jerkwater greenhorn one horse mudhole pecker wood rightwing whistlestop hobnail truck driving old fashioned hayseed inbred unkempt out of date out of touch white trash!"

Boys: [Singing] "Kick ass!"

Everyone: [Singing] "Mountain Town!"

[Conner smiles as he falls back asleep again.]

[Cut to Commercial.]


	6. Chapter 6

[Return from Commercial]

Conner: "I woke up right here in Hell's pass Hospital the next morning without even a scratch on me the doctors said it was a miracle.

[Flashes back to Conner's first visit to Hells Pass.]

[Conner slowly opens his eyes to find his parents and Benjamin at his bedside along with Sergeant Halfcock and Doctor Gouache.]

Dwight: [Conner's Dad] "Quiet he's waking up."

Sarah [Conner's Mom] "Hey sweetie how are you this morning."

Conner: "Tired I guess. Am I in a hospital?"

Doctor Gouache: "Yes but don't worry son it's only fatigue and exhaustion you'll be on your way home tomorrow!"

Conner: "Where are the others?"

Doctor Gouache: "Oh your referring to the rest of your platoon? They'll be fine we're keeping them overnight until things clear up in town."

Sergeant Halfcock: "You all will be going home with your parents first thing tomorrow."

Conner: "What about Hook?"

Sergeant Halfcock: "Oh don't you worry about him I imagine his parents are gonna give him quite a talking to."

Dwight: " Speaking of which Doctor could we have a moment alone with our son?"

Doctor Gouache: "I suppose so I've got a baked potato transplant to preform d'oh I MEAN HEART! HEART TRANSPLANT! DAMN IT I DID IT AGAIN! [He rushes out the room in a rush.]

Sergeant Halfcock: "I'll leave you guys in peace too maybe get some of those cantaloupe squares from the cafeteria while they're still there." [He leaves them too.]

Sarah: "You too Benjamin:"

Benjamin: [Is only 17 and still in high school.] "Aw but I want to hear all the juicy details too."

Sarah: "Out Benjamin Now or else you'll be running laps and doing squat thrusts when we get home."

Benjamin: "Fine!" [Walks out of the room mumbling.]

Dwight: "Conner we want to talk to you about you and your friends did."

Conner: [Hangs his head] "I know I went to see that movie with Benjamin even though you said I couldn't, I committed treason and helped Hook and the others break into a military airbase, killed people and hijacked a C-130 even though I'm not old enough to fly it and tried to free wanted war criminals but I had to. You wouldn't have listened to me about this war being a big mistake!"

Sarah: "Conner while I will admit we adults all owe you and the others a big apology for not listening to you and starting World War 3 that does not excuse committing treason, murder, hijacking and destruction of military property."

Dwight: "And even though we understand why you and your friends in the Young Marines did what you did we're going to have to ground you for the next three months!"

Sarah: "That means no TV, no video games, no playing outside with your friends and you'll be double chores and plenty of correctional drills!"

Conner: "I understand."

Sarah: "Sweetie we're proud of you for standing up for what you believe and your willingness to fight for it but we can't have running around taking over airfields and killing people every time you don't get your way."

Dwight: "Now how about we all have some ice cream and forget about all this."

Conner: "That sounds like a plan."

Dwight: "That's my little man right there!"

[Later that day Conner walks up to Sergeant Halfcock in the hallway.]

Conner: [solemnly] "Sir Permission to speak Sir?"

Sergeant Halfcock: "What's on your mind Kurtz?"

Conner: [Takes out his dog tags and shoulder patch and gives it to him] "I'm dropping out of the Corps Sir. I think you already know why."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Yes I know why Kurtz and while I say I don't approve of you pistol whipping me across the back of my head I can understand why you and the others did it."

Conner: "Up until now it's been an honor to serve with you Sir but I can't go back to the Corps in good conscience after what I've done."

Sergeant Halfcock: "After what you've done? Kurtz you and the others killed several of our men in uniform, you personally pistol whipped me, hijacked a C-130, destroyed an entire airbase. [Conner looks down dejected but Halfcock looks at him and smiles.] and you saved your country from the ravages of Armageddon and probably the entire world too. [He hands Conner back his dog tags and patch]

Conner: "Sir? I don't understand I went against orders I betrayed you our Corps and our country I should be punished!"

Sergeant Halfcock: "Conner you did what you thought was right you fought for your country's right to free speech and expression against the forces that would have destroyed them forever! You stood for Honor Courage and Commitment but most of all you were a Raging Little Bastard with a bad attitude and more guts than any other kid I've met at your age OORAH! [Goes in full DI mode] WHAT DO YOU SAY THAT PRIVATE KURTZ?"

Conner: [Goes into full recruit mode.] I SAY OORAH [He barks several times like a dog.]

Sergeant Halfcock: "That's the spirit Marine now head down to the mess hall for some ice cream you've earned it."

Conner: [Salutes him] "Yes Sir!"

[Halfcock returns the salute as Conner heads down the hall. He smiles at him.]

Conner narrating: [The scene fades back to the present] "And that's how it ended, Everything in my life went back to normal like their wasn't even a war at all."

Stan: "Wow dude I had no idea you were at the USO show."

Conner: "There's a lot you don't know about me Stan."

Stan: "Like what?"

Conner: "Trust me things you don't want to know."

Kyle: "So what happened to Hook after the war?"

Conner: "He just wasn't the same afterwards he started missing meetings cutting classes and spending all his time in the library reading up on military leaders like Napoleon, Hannibal, Alexander the Great, Darius of Persia, Patton, any military leader he find books on he was obsessed. But his favorite was Sun Tzu out of all of them. He'd always quote him to anyone who would listen. All warfare is based on deception. That was probably his favorite."

[Flashes back to a night scene. Conner along with a platoon of young marines wearing night vision googles and Miles laser tag system rifles on patrol through step tree covered hills]

"Eventually during end of the year war game exercises he just vanished along with his entire team. The police put out apbs and we even ran a milk carton campaign but no trace of him or the rest of his team was ever found.

[Conner's unit arrives were they're supposed to meet Hook's team but the place is abandoned.]

[The Flashback ends.]

Kyle: "And now he's back after all this time? Why what does he want?"

Conner: "When I met him he started going on about how adults are the ones that declare war while we kids get sent off to die in them. Talking about revolution and overthrowing adult hierarchy and all that also he specifically hinted at your mom Kyle something about overweight jewish mothers!"

Kyle: "Oh Streisand!"

Kenny: [Muffled] "Dude language!"

Kyle: "Oh come on!"

Cartman: "Kinneh's got a point Kahl you shouldn't be talking like that."

Kyle: "He's serious isn't he."

Conner: "Dead serious once Hook sets his mind to a mission he lets nothing and no one stand in his way."

Kyle: "You gotta stop him Conner!"

Conner: "I don't know if I can."

Kyle: "What do you mean your like a one kid army anything gets in your way you just destroy it."

Conner: "I saw Hook's camp he's got to have an army in the thousands by now. All of them die hard zealots from what I saw of them!"

Kyle: "Well then what can we do?"

Conner: [Takes a deep breath and looks out the window at the clouds.] "Prepare for the storm that's coming."

[The scene changes to the supermarket where Sheila Broflovski is outside loading groceries into her car. a 2nd grade Jewish boy wearing a Jew scouts uniform walks up to her.]

Jew Scout: "Excuse me miss I'm selling Jew Scout Kosher cookies to raise money for my scout troop."

Sheila: "Oh that's so sweet my little Kyle is in Jew Scouts [She takes out some money] I'll take a box."

Jew Scout: "Thank you miss."

[He takes a box of Jew scout cookies out and a pressure sensitive bomb hidden inside his carry box explodes blowing Sheila backwards to the ground. The blast shatters windows and sets off car alarms.]

[The camera pans to a shot of the parking lot. Sheila lies motionless in the parking lot in a pool of blood. Her skirt and jacket are blown to ribbons and her beehive partially burned off along with the skin on her face her nose lips and eyelids. The suicide bomber is gone only his tattered Jew Scout sash and cap lie in a red mist. all around there is panic and terror as sirens can be heard in the distance.]

[Back at the hospital the boys start to leave the hospital when suddenly Doctor Gouache stops them.]

Doctor Gouache: "Excuse me Kyle Broflovski?"

Kyle: "Yes?"

Doctor Gouache: "I'm sorry to tell you this but your mother and has been in a terrible accident."

Kyle: [His face turns to worry.] "Oh No Mom! What happened are they going to be okay?"

Doctor Gouache: "There was an explosion at the supermarket we don't know anything yet but the ambulance is on it's way here right now!"

[Outside the ambulance pulls up running over and finally finishing off Mrs Albertson from chapter 4. Paramedics immediately rush out and unload Sheila on a gurney.]

Paramedics: "Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup"

Kyle: "OH MY GOD MOM!" [The boys rush over and follows the paramedics.]

Stan: "Jesus Christ this is serious!"

[Sheila's face is badly burnt from being so close to the blast. Her nose lips ears and eyelids have been burnt off and her clothes are soaked with blood. She's hooked up to an oxygen mask and a heart and lung machine.]

Doctor Gouache: "Don't worry son we'll do our best with her! [He puts on a surgical mask and gloves.] "Alright people lets do this I'm gonna need my skin grafting tools my scalpels and a microwave honey baked ham!"

Nurse Goodley: "Doctor!"

Doctor Gouache: "Oh sorry I forgot that's not kosher."

[The doctors wheel Sheila into the ER leaving Kyle distraught. Stan and Kenny put their hands on Kyle's shoulders as the tears start to flow from his eyes.]

[The boys sit in waiting area along with Gerald Ike and Conner.]

Gerald: [puts his hand on Kyle's shoulder] "Kyle I know your scared right now I'm scared too but you need to be brave for your mother it's what she would want."

Kyle: [His eyes are still puffy from crying] "I-I know Dad."

Ike: [Sits next to Kyle crying loudly.]

[Doctor Gouache walks up to them]

Doctor Gouache: "Mr Broflovski your wife is stable now, it's a good thing her beehive absorbed most of the trauma from the blast head and her um how do I say this without sounding like a total asshole? Her "Girth" shall we say acted as an organic bomb suit protecting her vital organs from the blast."

Cartman: [stifles his lip trying his hardest not laugh. His cheeks start turning red as several giggles escape before finally he breaks out into hysterical laughter.]

[Kyle looks over and sees Cartman laughing normally he'd get angry at Cartman or even hit him but he's still in distress over what's happened today and breaks down sobbing.]

[Conner, Stan and Kenny decide they've seen enough and pile on top of Cartman and proceed to start pummeling him]

Cartman: "Ow hey you guys ow stop it ow stop ow!"

Stan: "Show some decency for once in your fat disgusting life you fat fuck!"

Kenny: [Mumbles angrily] "Fuck you you fat fucking piece of shit!"

Conner: "Yeah what Kenny said!"

[The boys finish beating Cartman who's now got two black eyes a busted lip and nose and his coat and hat are all torn up. He twitches like a stunned animal while the boys go over to comfort Kyle.]

[Later up in his room Conner looks out the window. Kyle opens the door.]

Kyle: "It was him wasn't it."

[Conner turns around]

Kyle: "Colonel Hook he's the one who did this isn't he!"

[Conner looks at him dead in the eye.]

Kyle: "Your not seriously thinking of following him are you? I know my Mom is far from a perfect person I know she can be overprotective, I know she was the was one who started that whole stupid war over a movie a goddamned movie and killed Terrence and Phillip, [Tries to resist crying] But she's Mom she went through the pain of childbirth to have me. Well say something Goddamn it!"

Conner: "What would you want me to do Kyle? Go back to his camp and call this whole vendetta with your Mom off. He's a zealot the same as his followers."

Kyle: "Well then call Sergeant Halfcock for reinforcements or something."

Conner: "Kyle the Young Marines aren't a military organization we don't go off to actually fight wars like the adults do. They just put us through boot camp and teach us survival skills and stuff. Besides I've already gotten them enough bad publicity as it is."

Kyle: "Then what about that whole mess in Peru was that?"

Conner: "A very special case I was that special case."

Kyle: "Then I'll stand up to him myself alone if that's what it takes."

Conner: "You do realize what he's capable of."

Kyle: "I don't care I can't just sit back and let some psycho threaten my family like this."

[He starts to leave.]

Conner: "Kyle!"

Kyle: [Turns back] "What?"

Conner: "I've got mandated intensive counseling the next 48 hours as part of my rehabilitation after that I'll allowed home."

Kyle: "I just hope I have a home and a family to go back to Conner." [He leaves.]

[Conner goes back to looking out the window]

Conner: "What's your next move going to be Hook?"

[Cut to commercial] 


	7. Chapter 7

[Return from Commercial]

Conner: "I woke up right here in Hell's pass Hospital the next morning without even a scratch on me the doctors said it was a miracle.

[Flashes back to Conner's first visit to Hells Pass.]

[Conner slowly opens his eyes to find his parents and Benjamin at his bedside along with Sergeant Halfcock and Doctor Gouache.]

Dwight: [Conner's Dad] "Quiet he's waking up."

Sarah [Conner's Mom] "Hey sweetie how are you this morning."

Conner: "Tired I guess. Am I in a hospital?"

Doctor Gouache: "Yes but don't worry son it's only fatigue and exhaustion you'll be on your way home tomorrow!"

Conner: "Where are the others?"

Doctor Gouache: "Oh your referring to the rest of your platoon? They'll be fine we're keeping them overnight until things clear up in town."

Sergeant Halfcock: "You all will be going home with your parents first thing tomorrow."

Conner: "What about Hook?"

Sergeant Halfcock: "Oh don't you worry about him I imagine his parents are gonna give him quite a talking to."

Dwight: " Speaking of which Doctor could we have a moment alone with our son?"

Doctor Gouache: "I suppose so I've got a baked potato transplant to preform d'oh I MEAN HEART! HEART TRANSPLANT! DAMN IT I DID IT AGAIN! [He rushes out the room in a rush.]

Sergeant Halfcock: "I'll leave you guys in peace too maybe get some of those cantaloupe squares from the cafeteria while they're still there." [He leaves them too.]

Sarah: "You too Benjamin:"

Benjamin: [Is only 17 and still in high school.] "Aw but I want to hear all the juicy details too."

Sarah: "Out Benjamin Now or else you'll be running laps and doing squat thrusts when we get home."

Benjamin: "Fine!" [Walks out of the room mumbling.]

Dwight: "Conner we want to talk to you about you and your friends did."

Conner: [Hangs his head] "I know I went to see that movie with Benjamin even though you said I couldn't, I committed treason and helped Hook and the others break into a military airbase, killed people and hijacked a C-130 even though I'm not old enough to fly it and tried to free wanted war criminals but I had to. You wouldn't have listened to me about this war being a big mistake!"

Sarah: "Conner while I will admit we adults all owe you and the others a big apology for not listening to you and starting World War 3 that does not excuse committing treason, murder, hijacking and destruction of military property."

Dwight: "And even though we understand why you and your friends in the Young Marines did what you did we're going to have to ground you for the next three months!"

Sarah: "That means no TV, no video games, no playing outside with your friends and you'll be double chores and plenty of correctional drills!"

Conner: "I understand."

Sarah: "Sweetie we're proud of you for standing up for what you believe and your willingness to fight for it but we can't have running around taking over airfields and killing people every time you don't get your way."

Dwight: "Now how about we all have some ice cream and forget about all this."

Conner: "That sounds like a plan."

Dwight: "That's my little man right there!"

[Later that day Conner walks up to Sergeant Halfcock in the hallway.]

Conner: [solemnly] "Sir Permission to speak Sir?"

Sergeant Halfcock: "What's on your mind Kurtz?"

Conner: [Takes out his dog tags and shoulder patch and gives it to him] "I'm dropping out of the Corps Sir. I think you already know why."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Yes I know why Kurtz and while I say I don't approve of you pistol whipping me across the back of my head I can understand why you and the others did it."

Conner: "Up until now it's been an honor to serve with you Sir but I can't go back to the Corps in good conscience after what I've done."

Sergeant Halfcock: "After what you've done? Kurtz you and the others killed several of our men in uniform, you personally pistol whipped me, hijacked a C-130, destroyed an entire airbase. [Conner looks down dejected but Halfcock looks at him and smiles.] and you saved your country from the ravages of Armageddon and probably the entire world too. [He hands Conner back his dog tags and patch]

Conner: "Sir? I don't understand I went against orders I betrayed you our Corps and our country I should be punished!"

Sergeant Halfcock: "Conner you did what you thought was right you fought for your country's right to free speech and expression against the forces that would have destroyed them forever! You stood for Honor Courage and Commitment but most of all you were a Raging Little Bastard with a bad attitude and more guts than any other kid I've met at your age OORAH! [Goes in full DI mode] WHAT DO YOU SAY THAT PRIVATE KURTZ?"

Conner: [Goes into full recruit mode.] I SAY OORAH [He barks several times like a dog.]

Sergeant Halfcock: "That's the spirit Marine now head down to the mess hall for some ice cream you've earned it."

Conner: [Salutes him] "Yes Sir!"

[Halfcock returns the salute as Conner heads down the hall. He smiles at him.]

Conner narrating: [The scene fades back to the present] "And that's how it ended, Everything in my life went back to normal like their wasn't even a war at all."

Stan: "Wow dude I had no idea you were at the USO show."

Conner: "There's a lot you don't know about me Stan."

Stan: "Like what?"

Conner: "Trust me things you don't want to know."

Kyle: "So what happened to Hook after the war?"

Conner: "He just wasn't the same afterwards he started missing meetings cutting classes and spending all his time in the library reading up on military leaders like Napoleon, Hannibal, Alexander the Great, Darius of Persia, Patton, any military leader he find books on he was obsessed. But his favorite was Sun Tzu out of all of them. He'd always quote him to anyone who would listen. All warfare is based on deception. That was probably his favorite."

[Flashes back to a night scene. Conner along with a platoon of young marines wearing night vision googles and Miles laser tag system rifles on patrol through step tree covered hills]

"Eventually during end of the year war game exercises he just vanished along with his entire team. The police put out apbs and we even ran a milk carton campaign but no trace of him or the rest of his team was ever found.

[Conner's unit arrives were they're supposed to meet Hook's team but the place is abandoned.]

[The Flashback ends.]

Kyle: "And now he's back after all this time? Why what does he want?"

Conner: "When I met him he started going on about how adults are the ones that declare war while we kids get sent off to die in them. Talking about revolution and overthrowing adult hierarchy and all that also he specifically hinted at your mom Kyle something about overweight jewish mothers!"

Kyle: "Oh Streisand!"

Kenny: [Muffled] "Dude language!"

Kyle: "Oh come on!"

Cartman: "Kinneh's got a point Kahl you shouldn't be talking like that."

Kyle: "He's serious isn't he."

Conner: "Dead serious once Hook sets his mind to a mission he lets nothing and no one stand in his way."

Kyle: "You gotta stop him Conner!"

Conner: "I don't know if I can."

Kyle: "What do you mean your like a one kid army anything gets in your way you just destroy it."

Conner: "I saw Hook's camp he's got to have an army in the thousands by now. All of them die hard zealots from what I saw of them!"

Kyle: "Well then what can we do?"

Conner: [Takes a deep breath and looks out the window at the clouds.] "Prepare for the storm that's coming."

[The scene changes to the supermarket where Sheila Broflovski is outside loading groceries into her car. a 2nd grade Jewish boy wearing a Jew scouts uniform walks up to her.]

Jew Scout: "Excuse me miss I'm selling Jew Scout Kosher cookies to raise money for my scout troop."

Sheila: "Oh that's so sweet my little Kyle is in Jew Scouts [She takes out some money] I'll take a box."

Jew Scout: "Thank you miss."

[He takes a box of Jew scout cookies out and a pressure sensitive bomb hidden inside his carry box explodes blowing Sheila backwards to the ground. The blast shatters windows and sets off car alarms.]

[The camera pans to a shot of the parking lot. Sheila lies motionless in the parking lot in a pool of blood. Her skirt and jacket are blown to ribbons and her beehive partially burned off along with the skin on her face her nose lips and eyelids. The suicide bomber is gone only his tattered Jew Scout sash and cap lie in a red mist. all around there is panic and terror as sirens can be heard in the distance.]

[Back at the hospital the boys start to leave the hospital when suddenly Doctor Gouache stops them.]

Doctor Gouache: "Excuse me Kyle Broflovski?"

Kyle: "Yes?"

Doctor Gouache: "I'm sorry to tell you this but your mother and has been in a terrible accident."

Kyle: [His face turns to worry.] "Oh No Mom! What happened are they going to be okay?"

Doctor Gouache: "There was an explosion at the supermarket we don't know anything yet but the ambulance is on it's way here right now!"

[Outside the ambulance pulls up running over and finally finishing off Mrs Albertson from chapter 4. Paramedics immediately rush out and unload Sheila on a gurney.]

Paramedics: "Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup"

Kyle: "OH MY GOD MOM!" [The boys rush over and follows the paramedics.]

Stan: "Jesus Christ this is serious!"

[Sheila's face is badly burnt from being so close to the blast. Her nose lips ears and eyelids have been burnt off and her clothes are soaked with blood. She's hooked up to an oxygen mask and a heart and lung machine.]

Doctor Gouache: "Don't worry son we'll do our best with her! [He puts on a surgical mask and gloves.] "Alright people lets do this I'm gonna need my skin grafting tools my scalpels and a microwave honey baked ham!"

Nurse Goodley: "Doctor!"

Doctor Gouache: "Oh sorry I forgot that's not kosher."

[The doctors wheel Sheila into the ER leaving Kyle distraught. Stan and Kenny put their hands on Kyle's shoulders as the tears start to flow from his eyes.]

[The boys sit in waiting area along with Gerald Ike and Conner.]

Gerald: [puts his hand on Kyle's shoulder] "Kyle I know your scared right now I'm scared too but you need to be brave for your mother it's what she would want."

Kyle: [His eyes are still puffy from crying] "I-I know Dad."

Ike: [Sits next to Kyle crying loudly.]

[Doctor Gouache walks up to them]

Doctor Gouache: "Mr Broflovski your wife is stable now, it's a good thing her beehive absorbed most of the trauma from the blast head and her um how do I say this without sounding like a total asshole? Her "Girth" shall we say acted as an organic bomb suit protecting her vital organs from the blast."

Cartman: [stifles his lip trying his hardest not laugh. His cheeks start turning red as several giggles escape before finally he breaks out into hysterical laughter.]

[Kyle looks over and sees Cartman laughing normally he'd get angry at Cartman or even hit him but he's still in distress over what's happened today and breaks down sobbing.]

[Conner, Stan and Kenny decide they've seen enough and pile on top of Cartman and proceed to start pummeling him]

Cartman: "Ow hey you guys ow stop it ow stop ow!"

Stan: "Show some decency for once in your fat disgusting life you fat fuck!"

Kenny: [Mumbles angrily] "Fuck you you fat fucking piece of shit!"

Conner: "Yeah what Kenny said!"

[The boys finish beating Cartman who's now got two black eyes a busted lip and nose and his coat and hat are all torn up. He twitches like a stunned animal while the boys go over to comfort Kyle.]

[Later up in his room Conner looks out the window. Kyle opens the door.]

Kyle: "It was him wasn't it."

[Conner turns around]

Kyle: "Colonel Hook he's the one who did this isn't he!"

[Conner looks at him dead in the eye.]

Kyle: "Your not seriously thinking of following him are you? I know my Mom is far from a perfect person I know she can be overprotective, I know she was the was one who started that whole stupid war over a movie a goddamned movie and killed Terrence and Phillip, [Tries to resist crying] But she's Mom she went through the pain of childbirth to have me. Well say something Goddamn it!"

Conner: "What would you want me to do Kyle? Go back to his camp and call this whole vendetta with your Mom off. He's a zealot the same as his followers."

Kyle: "Well then call Sergeant Halfcock for reinforcements or something."

Conner: "Kyle the Young Marines aren't a military organization we don't go off to actually fight wars like the adults do. They just put us through boot camp and teach us survival skills and stuff. Besides I've already gotten them enough bad publicity as it is."

Kyle: "Then what about that whole mess in Peru was that?"

Conner: "A very special case I was that special case."

Kyle: "Then I'll stand up to him myself alone if that's what it takes."

Conner: "You do realize what he's capable of."

Kyle: "I don't care I can't just sit back and let some psycho threaten my family like this."

[He starts to leave.]

Conner: "Kyle!"

Kyle: [Turns back] "What?"

Conner: "I've got mandated intensive counseling the next 48 hours as part of my rehabilitation after that I'll allowed home."

Kyle: "I just hope I have a home and a family to go back to Conner." [He leaves.]

[Conner goes back to looking out the window]

Conner: "What's your next move going to be Hook?"

[Cut to commercial] 


	8. Chapter 8

[Return from Commercial]

[Indistinct voices fade in and out.]

Voice # 1: "I got another one here it's the bomb blast victim from earlier today."

Voice # 2: "Is she still alive?"

Voice # 1: "I've got a pulse she's still alive."

[Sound of someone queefing.]

Voice # 2: "Aw sick!"

[Someone gags and chokes]

Voice # 1: "Oh my God there's someone under her."

Voice # 2: "That was the cow with diarrhea queef there's not much time."

[Sound of lifting and grunting]

Voice # 1: "Good God she's a fat load!"

Voice # 2: "I can see the head It's a kid!"

Voice # 1: "Take him to North Park General with the others."

[Faint sound of a heart rate monitor. Slowly Conner's eye's open.]

Doctor: "Hello Conner Kerns isn't it?"

[Conner is lying in a Hospital bed with a different doctor and a big breasted Latina nurse He's hooked up to a medical ventilator and his hand is bandaged.]

Conner: [painfully.] "Where am I?"

Doctor: "Your at North Park General son and very lucky to be alive you were shielded from the blast by Mrs Brofslovski was it? Anyway you absorbed a lot of air that was trapped in her vagina but it's mostly been pumped out."

[Conner throws up through the mask.]

Doctor: "Nurse Grande" get me another ventilator mask and a bucket please."

Nurse Grande: Right away Doctor Hung. [She dashes out her huge boobs and butt bouncing like rubber.]

Doctor Hung: [Pervy] "Hate to see her go but love to watch her leave."

Conner: "Uh okay?"

[Later that day Conner watching the news on tv.]

Tom Thompson: "Still no word on the cause of the power surge and explosion at Hell's Pass Hospital last night that led to panic, hysteria and more 27 people dead here reporting live is a midget in a bikini."

Midget: "Thanks Tom a sudden power surge led to lights exploding life support machines frying and elevators stopping on between floors at Hell's Pass Hospital. Authorities state that the hospital will remain closed until further notice. Back to you Tom"

[Hook's Camp]

Tom Thompson: "Thanks Midget damn fine reporting."

Tammy: "In related news schools in the park county area are expected to be closed for the day citing the need of emergency services for the use of public roads."

[Colonel Hook practices a martial arts kata in the nude his body covered with war paint. Step block step punch step block step kick prepare turn block horse rider punch knife hand block knife hand strike double fist block grab pull elbow strike shoulder toss. Suddenly he stops comes to attention and looks over at the door.]

Colonel Hook: "Enter."

[Carmen and Adrik enter the room.]

Colonel Hook: "Well...is it done?"

Carmen: "Yes Colonel the bitch is how you say blown to bits."

Colonel Hook: "And Kurtz?"

Carmen: "Smothered under her fat ass."

Colonel Hook: "Did you confirm the kill?"

Carmen: "Da I took picture after it was done."

[She takes out her phone and shows him a picture of Conner's body sticking out from between Sheila's legs while his head covered her tattered hospital gown."

Colonel Hook: [Turns green and almost vomits but maintains his composure] "It's a shame he didn't deserve to go like that he deserved a warriors death but I guess in the end I guess he just lost his backbone and got squashed."

Adrik: "What about payment?"

Colonel Hook: "I'm a boy of my word." [He walks over and begins getting dressed] "You'll get payed with interest as soon as we're finished with that hick redneck town."

Carmen: "Just remember we take payment very seriously Colonel."

Colonel Hook: "Of course [He finishes dressing himself.] In the meantime you both are welcome to stay here the Lost Boys Army always has room for two more runaways."

Carmen: "Perhaps for now but we won't be staying long." [Turns to the door.]

Colonel Hook: "I understand."

[The twins leave and Colonel Hook quickly rushes over to the wastebasket to throw up several times before he turns to look over a map of the area]

Colonel Hook: "Just one more sunrise and it will begin."

[Kyle's House]

[Kyle and Ike sit on couch watching the news.]

Tammy: "So kids get outside and get some extra playtime in before school reopens tomorrow."

[Gerald walks into the room]

Gerald: "Kyle...I just got off the phone with the receptionist at North Park General your mother's going to be in intensive care for a while."

Kyle: "Will she be alright?"

Gerald: "They said it's too early to say right now son all we can do right now is hope and pray."

Kyle: "And Conner?"

Gerald: [thinks back to what the receptionist said.] "One of my son's friends was also at the hospital is he going to be okay?

Receptionist: "What was his name?"

Gerald: "Conner Kerns"

Receptionist: [Filing through the records] "Kerns...Kerns...ah...oh my...it seems he somehow got caught in the blast and was wedged between your wife's...buttocks and... vagina."

Gerald: "WHAT WHAT WHAT?"

Gerald: Uhh...he's going to be fine Kyle he required some surgery and some time in intensive care but he's going to be alright."

[Gerald imagines Conner on the operating table wedged up Sheila's butt. The doctors use a set of surgical lifters to separate her cheeks while another group pulls Conner's head loose]

Doctor: "PULL!"

[The surgeons pull on Conner's legs as they struggle to pull him loose.]

[The Volga Boat Men plays as the doctors heave trying to pull his head free from her monstrous vagina and ass crack.]

Doctor: "PULL!"

[The surgeons strain with all their might the sweat beating at their brows as they do.]

Doctor: "PULL!"

[Gerald's imagination fades away]

Gerald: "I'm sorry Kyle I really just need some fresh air right now."

[He heads for the door but peeks out before he closes it.]

Gerald: "Kyle I know things have been crazy these last two days! but I'm here if you need someone to talk to okay?"

Kyle: "Thanks Dad"

[Once outside Gerald takes a deep breath in and out.]

Gerald: "Think happy thoughts think about the dolphins don't think about dolphins don't think of Conner's face up your wife's..." [He vomits]

Kyle: [From inside] "Dad are you alright?"

Gerald: "Yeah Kyle I'm fine!"

Ike: "Uh oh Spagetti-O's!"

Kyle: [Sighs] "Oh Ike how did things get out of control so fast? [He gets off the couch] I guess I got so used to things getting crazy around here so much that I just took it for granted? I never stopped to think what would happen If I lost someone I loved. [He goes over to the windows as a slow soft song begins to play]

Kyle: [Singing] "I know my life has not always been easy, I know things sometimes can be absurd. But at least when it was all over, I knew my family would be here to listen to what I told them that I learned."

[Kyle begins to flashback to the various moments of his family on the show.]

"I know my Mom can be overreactive and sometimes my Dad can get on my nerves, but they always tucked me in at night and tried their best to teach me wrong from right just like the book of Abraham's word."

[Footage of Mother's against Canada is shown as the music's tone turns ominous and frightening ]

"Yes my Mom has gone too far before it led us to a bloody war that almost destroyed the world as we know it."

[Shows footage of Mountain Town reprise]

"But that was then and things have changed is anyone is really still to blame? Is the blame is truly mine to show."

[Footage of Sheila being wheeled into the Operation room is a shown followed a slow zoom in on Kyle's face. The room fades to a black void until only Kyle's face is shown. We zoom into Kyle's retina until it the screen blacks out only to light up showing Kyle standing in a black void of a hospital room with no walls or ceiling. Sheila is lying motionless in bed hooked up to a life support machine.]

Kyle: [Trying not to cry as the EKG beats out a slow pulse he takes his Mother's hand and kneels at her bedside.] "I know my family is anything but perfect I know I've said some things that are kind of bad.

Kyle [Flashback] "No Mom you don't understand!"

Sheila: [Flashback] "KYLE DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME!"

Kyle: [Flashback] "NO YOU LISTEN TO ME CONNER IS MY FRIEND! HE SAVED MY LIFE MORE THAN ONCE!"

Sheila: "THAT'S IT GO TO YOUR ROOM KYLE!"

Kyle: [Singing] "Oh Please Jehovah don't my mother from me cause she's the only mother that I've ever had."

[The Song concludes with Kyle crying at his mother's side. The scene returns to find Kyle in his room crying into his pillow while outside his door Ike also cries.]

[Conner's room at the hospital.]

[Conner lies in a deep sleep but his dreams are anything but peaceful.]

[Conner awakens in his room at his old house in San Diego.]

Conner: "I-I'm-I'm home?  
>[He looks around his room his bedsheets have the Marpat camo pattern on them and his bed resembles a military bunk complete with a footlocker at the foot of it and his medals and merit badges adorn a bulletin board along with photos of him at boot camp. Recruitment and motivational posters for the Marines cover the wall and his name adorns his open bedroom door. He steps out of bed to find he's fully dressed in his old uniform utility cover included.]<p>

"Mom? Dad? Benjamin? Am I dreaming this? or maybe I'm dead and this is whatever comes after death?

[He walks out into the hallway and into his Brother's room.]

"Ben? Are you there?"

[Benjamin's room is exactly how Conner remembers it a plasma screen tv with an Xbox 360 next it along with a stack of games. A stack of gun and hunting magazines sits next to his bed which is neat and tidy and a set of dumbbells under the bed.]

"Mom, Dad!"

[He goes back into the hallway and goes into his parents room.]

[He opens his parents room only to find it empty. The dresser top is covered with pictures of his parents from their graduation at MCRD to their wedding to Benjamin and Conner's birth and childhood pictures. Conner walks up to the dresser and picks up a frame of the family hunting together. They've lined up all different number of God's creatures into a pile all of them giving the thumbs up sign. He puts it down and picks up another one of Conner graduating from summer bootcamp his father and older brother holding him up.]  
>Sarah: [Conner's Mom] "Conner get up your gonna be late for school?"<p>

Conner: "Mom? MOM!" [He runs down the stairs to the kitchen to find her setting a bowl of cereal on the table for him]

Sarah: "Good Morning Conner!"

Conner: "Mom? Is it really you?"

Sarah: Of Course Conner, [She turns around revealing her neck to be badly slashed and her shirt covered in blood] "Who were you expecting?"

[Conner's eyes turn to sheer terror]

Sarah: "What's wrong Conner? [She coughs up blood] "Don't you want your breakfast?"

[Conner runs in terror out the door only to find himself in Truant Officer Galt's holding cell.]

Galt: "Well well well seems someone couldn't stay out of trouble could you?"

[Conner turns around to see Galt staring over him like a predator]

Conner: "Galt? Your looking well for a vegetable anyway."

Galt: "Your trouble Kurtz always has been always will be!"

Conner: "Shut up!"

Galt: "You are addressing a truant officer Marine. [He draws his taser] "You should show the proper respect! [He tasers Conner]

Conner: "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! EAT ME YOU FUCKING DEMENTED PEDOPHILE!

Galt: [laughs] "Now see how easy it when you cooperate?"

Graizer: "I told you he's manageable once you break him down!"

Conner: "Graizer?" ARRRRRRRRRGH! [Galt tasers him again.]

Graizer: "I wouldn't miss this moment for the world Kurtz. You've been a bur on my ballsack for far too long and the way I see it you spit-roasted between us is the best damn revenge I can think of."

[The Two Pedophiles stand over him laughing at him]

Conner: [Grasps the barbs] "YOU TWO...FUBARED...PEDOPHILIAC...BASTARDS MAKE ME SICK!"

[He tugs the cables yanking the taser out of Galt's hand and swings it hard into Grazier's face before pulling the barbs out.]

Grazier: "You fucking son of a bitch!"

[Conner punches him in the balls only for Grazier to stand there and laugh.]

Graizer: "You snot nosed little bastard that ain't gonna work this time...we ain't got nothing down there thanks to you."

Conner: [Draws his knife] "Then let me carve you both a new pair AHHHH!" [With a furious scream he charges Graizer stabbing and slashing him like a child possessed stabbing him in the stomach again and again and again until the scout leader's uniform is blood red and his screams of pain turn to into a death rattle. Without missing a beat he charges Galt who side steps his first strike and clocks him in the back of the head. But Conner curls up his arms and legs to guard and rolls to the side just as Galt comes for him and stabs his nemesis in the leg.

Galt: ARRRAAAAGH! [He goes down and clutches his leg in pain as Conner turns the blade slowly before pulling it out and stabbing him again and again like a wild animal.]

Conner: "YOUR A VEGETABLE TO ME DO YOU HEAR ME GALT? YOUR A FUCKING CABBAGE TO ME AND NEITHER OF YOU WILL EVER TOUCH A CHILD EVER AGAIN!"

[With a final stab to eye the Truant officer falls dead leaving Conner standing there covered in their blood. for 10 seconds he just stands there breathing slowly looking at the blood dripping from his hands. In the pool gathering under the two dead men Conner sees his visage change to himself standing over Mackey for the kill. Suddenly from behind he sees Hook walk up to him.]

Colonel Hook: "Well well well looks like I judged you a little too early. Seems like you've still got a little bastard in you after all Kurtz?"

[Conner turns back to face his former friend then looks back to see he's now back in the school Library holding a gun to Mackey's head.]

Mr Mackey: "You haven't changed Mmkay [Coughs] your still the same as you were before. [Coughs] Go ahead and finish me off like you should have Mmkay."

[He looks around the room and sees everybody standing there, Stan Kyle Mysterion Cartman, Sergeant Halfcock, and even his parents and Benjamin.]

Stan: "It's okay Conner finish him."

Kyle: "We understand you can't help it."

Cartman: [dressed as Ming Li] "Bow lang shu dong!"

Halfcock: "I taught you well Kurtz I know you'll do me proud."

Conner: "I-I-I Can't I-I didn't!"

Mysterion: [Laughs maniacally] "After all this and your still in denial."

Karen: "You can't deny what you are any longer Conner."

Colonel Hook: "Look at this man Kurtz He is a so called Guidance Counselor someone dedicated to helping children with their problems and yet when you needed help more than ever he labeled you a criminal and threw you into the hands of a pedophile. And what happened when you tried to defend yourself? You were labeled a maniac a fugitive just another school shooter in a long line of people paraded on national news like the Two Minutes Hate of Oceania. You really think that just because you pulled a few kids out of that hell hole in Peru that that's gonna change their perception of you? Well let's just ask them shall we

[The Children he saved suddenly appear in the room]

Kelly: "You saved us I'll never forget it."

Jake: "I'd given up hope of ever seeing freedom again until you came along."

Natasha: "Your the hero we need Conner."

Natalia: "Deep down you know this to be true."

Nadia: "You were not meant to lead a normal life."

Glaces: "The Children need you to lead them to freedom."

Baltania: "Will you deny them their champion or will you save them as you saved us."

[The Quins form a shape of Conner rifle in hand helping a group of shackled children onto their feet.]

Gregory: "Think about it Conner...the war...the jungle everything that happened.

Ze Mole:"I z'hought you were a true warrior a comrade de arms I could count on to keep z'he dogs off my back."

[His parents and brother materialize into the room]

Conner: "Mom Dad?"

Dwight: [His Dad] "I'm sorry son we failed you."

Sarah: "We only ever held you back."

Benjamin: "It took us leaving this world for you to reach what you are truly capable of."

Mr Mackey: "JUST DO IT MKAY! [Coughs] JUST BLOW MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE BEFORE MMKAY!"

Conner: "H-how h-how can you say such things? I'm your son your brother you weren't the easiest parents to deal with but you loved me!

Sarah: "Our love was a lie Conner."

Dwight: "Just like every adults."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Did you really think we were teaching you discipline and merit to help you improve yourself? Once you turn 18 your fresh meat for the grinder."

Conner: "YOUR LYING! ALL OF YOU YOUR LYING! HOOK THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING!"

[The Albino Colonel only throws his hands up in defense.]

Colonel Hook: "My Doing? But Conner this is all your subconscious I may have opened your eyes and your mind when we met but everything you see is all your doing."

Benjamin: "Just like I was lil bro."

Colonel Hook: "You only have one choice you can either try to fight the inevitable and go out defending the adults from themselves or you can accept your destiny and take your place in the Lost Boys Army. What will be Conner? I could use a partner like you."

Conner: "No!"

Stan: "What will it be?"

Kyle: "Someone to fight for what's right."

Gregory: "A leader to rally the ramparts?"

Ze Mole: "What will e'et be?"

Conner: "Stop it!"

Quintuplets: "What will it be?"

Choir: "What will it be?"

Sergeant Halfcock: "What will it be?"

Dwight: "You've come so far without us?

Sarah: "Will you throw it all away?"

Conner: "SHUT UP!"

Benjamin: "They will never accept you for what you are."

Cartman: "Hey soldier you looking for good time sucky sucky?"

Conner: "ENOUGH! YOU AREN'T REAL YOU ALL AREN'T REAL YOUR JUST IMAGES IN MY HEAD AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN!

[He turns to Hook]

HOOK YOU CAN TAKE YOUR OFFER AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ALBINO ASS! [He turns to face Halfcock] AND YOU SIR I KNOW GUNNERY SERGEANT HALFCOCK AND YOUR ARE NO GUNNERY SERGEANT HALFCOCK! HE ALWAYS TOLD ME NEVER TO GIVE UP AND NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND. [He turns to face his family] AND YOU I KNOW BEN IS DEAD AND THAT HE'S ONLY IN MY HEAD BUT YOU AREN'T MY BROTHER YOUR NOT EVEN MY DISASSOCIATED IDENTITY THAT I PERCEIVE AS MY BROTHER YOUR NOTHING BUT A CHEAP IMITATION THE SAME TO YOU MOM AND DAD! MY PARENTS MAY HAVE BEEN STRICT WITH ME BUT THEY WERE FAIR AND THEY LOVED ME WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU.

[He turns to face Stan, Kyle Mysterion and Cartman]  
>And you my so called friends you stuck thru whatever hell I dragged you through no matter how deep the shit got and not once not once did I hear any of you say anything remotely like what I've heard you say here<p>

[Finally He turns to face Gregory Christophe, The Choir and the Quins]

And as for you my brothers in arms I have not forgotten the war nor what we fought for but it's clear you want me to forget and become overcome by blind hatred.

[He turns to face Hook]

"The Jack Hook I was friends with died during the war you...your nothing but a cheap imitation. But you were right about one thing I can't run from my past and pretend it never happened not while there's people like you in the world. South Park is my home now and I will give my sweat, my toil, my tears, [He raises the M249 to his chin] And my blood to protect it."

Hook: "NO!"

[He fires sending the bullet thru his head and crumples to the floor as we cut to the hospital where he's finally wakes up from his dream.]

Conner: [shoots up covered in sweat straight into Nurse Grande's breasts and screams.]

Nurse Grande: [Screams]

Doctor Hung: "Lucky little bastard."

[Cut to Commercial]


	9. Chapter 9

[Return from Commercial]

[Colonel Hook's Camp Night]

Colonel Hook on the Intercom: "Attention all troops Attention all troops proceed to the stage area for final orders. I repeat everyone report to the stage area to receive your final briefing.

[All around the camp disheveled and armed boys and girls of different ages drop what they're doing and head for the camp stage grounds where a giant Lost Boys Army flag hangs on the wall. A Band of band geeks plays a military march as Colonel Hook takes the stage. Dressed in full war paint and carrying a swagger stick it's clear his very presence fills his soldiers with a sense of fanfare. They cheer and shout whooping and hollering ]

Colonel Hook: "Be seated" [The crowd goes quiet.] "My Children Tonight is the beginning of a brighter future for all children. Tomorrow their ramparts will fall their hypocrisy will cease and order will be restored. I want you to forget all this bullshit you've been told by grown ups that they're only looking out for us or our future. That they only punish us when we're bad because they love us. That they only want what's best for us. The People who wrote that know about truly best for us as they do about fornicating. To those of you who still doubt the truth I say look at this town look at South Park Colorado USA."

"Did they know what was best when they declared war on Canada and nearly pushed the world into the abyss of Armageddon? [He holds up his Hook hand] I have not forgotten their hypocrisy that led to that terrible war. Did they know what was best when Family Guy promised to show Muhammed? Or did they like the rest of the country tuck their convictions between their legs and bury their heads in the sand? When Celebrities led by Tom Cruise unleashed Barbra Streisand loose on the town who stood up to their threats of violence children or adults? There lies your answer adult rule cannot be reasoned with or protested against it, With them just goes through one ear and out the other. If we continue to ignore the problem continue to give to their authority then eventually they will destroy this world that they tell us we will inherit."

A wise child once said that the only true power over others in this world is violence. That all you need to get others to do what you want believe what you believe is the threat of violence. When I look out at you I do not see victims of abuse, neglect or oppression. I see a sleeping army ready to awaken and filled with a terrible resolve. The town of South Park Colorado is only the first step in our war of liberation. Tomorrow when we liberate our brothers and sisters in the town of South Park from the cruel hands of their oppressors we are not bringing things to an end. This town is but the first step of our emancipation. We will not stop we will not relent we will not lay down our sticks and stones until all children are free from slavery! Now prepare yourselves for war for tomorrow we attack the gates of tyranny!"

Crowd: "Hip Hip Hoorah! Hip hip Hoorah!"

[The Boys and Girls of the Lost Boys Army prepare for battle loading up their armory of weapons and equipment and loading them into the camp buses which have been repainted with finger painting and spray paint and covered with barbed wire, camouflage netting, hillbilly armor and battering rams and have the words Camp Tardicaca crossed out and LOST BOYZ ARMEY painted over. They sing their own rendition of The Burning of the School as they prepare for battle.]

Children: [Singing to the tune of The Battle Hymn Of The Republic. ]

"Mine eyes have the glory of the burning of the school."

"We have disemboweled the teachers we have broken all the rules."

"We have smashed up all our desks and hung the Principal"

"March on Lost Boys march on."

"Gory Gory Hallelujah Teacher smacked with her ruler."

"I sent straight her straight to hell with a 12 gauge shotgun shell"

"And she don't teach my class no more."

"We've seen with our own eyes in a hundred suburb homes."

"They make us our eat broccoli and spinach casserole."

"They send us up to bed before the all cool shows come on."

"March on Lost Boys March on."

"Gory Gory Hallelujah! Parents grounded me without supper."

"I sent them up to heaven with my AK 47"

"And they ain't gonna ground me no more!"

[The Kindergardeners play an instrumental on drums and kazoos as the children paint their faces and load their weapons which range from crude homemade melee weapons and shields to BB guns and paintball guns loaded with metal balls to fully automatic firearms and Improvised explosives. a group of kids load a pitching machine with hand grenades while another group prepares molotov cocktails.]

"The parking will soon be the only way anyone tell."

"That the police station was ever there we'll do our job so well."

"All those doughnut munching pigs call all go roast in hell."

"March on Lost Boy's March on."

"We'll throw the city council in the stocks and lock them tight "

"We'll pelt their faces with rotten fruits every day and night."

"Till they freeze to death and rot away like my moldy old gym shorts."

"March on Lost Boys March on."

[Climax builds up.]

"In the quiet town of South Park they'll be no authority."

"No one to make us do our chores and or brush and floss our teeth."

"We will not lay our arms until all children are free!"

"March On Lost Boy's..

Girls: "And Girls"

"March on!"

[Slows down]

"Gory Gory Hallelujah! Teacher whacked me with her ruler I shot her through the door with a loaded 44 and the o'l bitch don't teach no more."

Kindergardener: "Because She's dead."

[Finally finished as night has fallen the Lost Boys and Girls clamber onto the buses and drive away from the camp in a convoy with Colonel Hook riding inside a personalized armored bus complete with a top deck and hatch. He has had all the seats smashed up and made into a personal throne which he sits on in the back next to his closest Lieutenants.]

Colonel: "Lieutenants!"

[His lieutenants click their heels simultaneously and salute.  
>We see a Boy dressed as a World War Two bomber pilot holding a drone, a Latina girl dressed as Luchador, A boy dressed in a battle armor version of hockey gear, a boy wearing a hard hat and dungarees his pockets filled with dynamite. a girl dressed as a 60s female British secret agent, Two boys dressed in Ghillie suits carrying sniper rifles, Two 1st Graders dressed in army helmets and fatigues covered with finger paint, Hook's personal bus driver who's dressed as like a tank crewman and a black boy dressed in Tiger stripe camo and wearing a black beret.]<p>

Lieutentants: "YES SIR!"

Colonel: "I trust each of your forces know their roles by heart by now!"

Lieutenants: "Yes Sir!"

Colonel: "Good then what are these steps."

Demo Boy: [Firm] "Step 1 cut the utilities off!"

Bus Driver up front: [Firm] "Step 2 cut off all access roads!"

Pilot: [Pumped up] "Step three neutralize emergency services via airstrikes!"

Roller baller: [Pumped up] "Step four strike hard and fast unleash the horde!"

Snipers: [Pumped up] "Step five SHOOT THE PIGS IN THEIR DICKS!"

Secret Agent girl: [Cooly] "Step six secure the town gun shop!"

Kindergardeners: "Step seven liberate the prisoners and round up the adult oppressors"

Lucha Girl: "Step ocho capture City Hall and the town council"

Black Beret: "Step 9 march the detainees to the designated concentration camp at the old drive in and hold them."

All: "And Step 10 raise the flag of the oppressed in victory over City Hall.!"

[Colonel Hook smiles.]

[Inside another bus the soldiers of the Lost Boys Army sing a reprise of the Burning of the school.]

Kids: "His ass was sore his cheeks were red his tears went spurting high."

"His Classmates they were heard to say one hell of a major cry!"

"For it had been a week or more since last the paddle board came out!"

"Lost Boys cheer and shout!"

[Kaitlyn sits at the window watching the mountains pass by Conner's words pass through her head.]

Conner's voice: "I know how it feels to lose someone you love, I know how it feels to be treated like a troublemaker based just on your appearance, I know how it feels to be hunted down like your some rabid dangerous animal but I also know how to forgive, How to forgive, forgive I'm done walking that road. Deep down I know your a good kid that only wants to loved by a parent. [She looks down at her necklace and fingers the pendant in her hand.] "Imagine how it would feel to a child if you ripped their parents away from them like yours were? Would that bring them back? Would that bring you happiness and love?"

[Grant notices a tear fall from Kaitlyn's eye.]

Grant: "What's wrong Kaitlyn?"

Kaitlyn: [Wipes the tear away.] "Oh it's nothing I just had something in my eye was all."

Grant: "Aw you can't hide it from me your were thinking about him weren't you?"

Kaitlyn: "Well I was thinking what a shame it was he had to be taken out."

Grant: "I know what you mean he seemed like the kind of kid you want to blow up squirrels with. [A smirk crosses his face.] "You liked him didn't you? Like like liked him."

Kaitlyn: "What? No! I got close to him like the Colonel assigned me to and that's all." [She tries to hide it but her cheeks are already blushing]

Grant: "Nice try I bet you thinking about how you would have liked to get him in bed and have him play with your strange!"

Kaitlyn: "SHUT UP BUS DRIVER GRANT'S MAKING SEXUAL INNUENDOS ABOUT ME!"

[The Bus driver turns around revealing himself to be a kid.]

Bus Driver: [Wolf Whistles] "Kaitlyn's got a crush Kaitlyn's got a crush!"

[The rest of the soldiers join in.]

Kaitlyn: [Pouts] "Oh right I forgot what kind of bus I was on."

[The driver swerves into the other lane sending a Prius skidding out of the way and through a guardrail and over a cliff.]

[North Park Hospital exterior]

[Night has fallen and the halls are darkened as the patients get ready for bed.]

[Conner's room]

Conner: "Nurse Grande?"

Nurse Grande: "Yes Conner?"

Conner: "Is there anyway I could be released earlier? I really really want to see my friends again."

Nurse Grande: " I'm sorry Conner but you condition states that you have to stay here at least two weeks until your condition heals."

Conner: "But I miss my friends and my foster Dad's."

Nurse Grande: "I understand sweetie but we're so busy dealing with incoming patients from South Park to allow visits. *She leans in and fluffs his pillows getting her huge boobs right in Conner's face.* Oh sorry *She turns around and whacks him with her big butt.* Sorry they get in the way a lot."

Conner: [Calmly] "No no it's quite alright I understand."

Nurse Grande: "I've been wanting to get breast reduction surgery but I also really want to be a nurse. [She sits down on his legs nearly flattening them. Conner winces in pain but tries not to show it.]

[Nurse Grande goes into a flashback.]

"It's been my dream to be one just like my Mama ever since I was a little girl."

[Shows a little Nurse Grande with her Mom a very big breasted and built in a hospital. Her Mom is breastfeeding a baby until a doctor begins sucking on her other nipple angrily she punches him out.]

Nurse Grande: "But ever since I hit puberty it seems breasts and ass have been the center of attention."

[Nurse Grande is now a pimply teenager with braces wearing a thick sweater. All the boys and male faculty stare and drool as she walks by. It shows her teacher giving her a straight A+ staring at her chest while he signs it. It then shows Nurse Grande changing in the girls locker room she undresses to her underwear and tries to open her locker but it slams against her chest and closes. The other girls look at her and laugh. Then it shows her at Cheerleader practice she preforms several flips and jumps her breasts and butt bouncing with each one. The coaches award her a perfect ten while as usual staring at her giant breasts.]

Nurse Grande: "All the boys and even my male teachers courted me and showered me with gifts even my principal started neglecting his own wife just to spend time with me. I knew I never earned those perfect grades but my parents were so proud of me I didn't want to disappoint them.

[Shows Nurse Grande graduating the speaker stares at her boobs, then it shows her getting admitted to college and nursing school in both cases the administrator is staring at her chest.]

Nurse Grande: "I wasn't the best student at Nursing School I was so nervous I made constant mistakes all the time but my grades were never less than perfect. no matter what happened.

[Shows her practicing CPR her breasts cover the victims face and smother him causing the EKG to flatline. She gets off him revealing he died with a big smile on his face and a boner in his pants.]

Conner: "But your dream has come true your a nurse now just like how wanted to be."

Nurse Grande: [Crying] "But I only became a nurse because of my breasts [She holds up her breasts and drops them causing them to bounce up and down.] Everyday is the same all the male doctors and patients ogling my breasts and ass and all the other nurses talking smack about me behind my back. I wish I never had them."

Conner: "I know how it feels to wish things are different I often wish that my family was still with me, I wish I had to deal with a Truant officer who wasn't a pedophile, I wish I could just go on being a normal 10 year old boy but I can't after what's happened."

[He looks Nurse Grande dead in the eyes]

"I need your help to break me out of here everyone I care about is in danger."

[Nurse Grande looks into his eyes and in the next shot we see Conner sneak out of his room and pull the fire alarm sending the hospital into a full blown panic. Patients and doctors stream out of the rooms trying to evacuate the building. In the ensuing panic Conner escapes out the front door and climbs into a red Ferrari 458 Spider where Nurse Grande is waiting for him and the two drive away.]

Conner: "This is a really nice car you've got!"

Nurse Grande: "It's actually Doctor Hung's but he didn't take much persuading to give me the keys.

Conner: "I can imagine."

Nurse Grande: "You've lived a rough life for a boy your age Conner Kerns I think it's really admirable that you want to save your friends!"

Conner: "I've already lost one life before I don't want to lose this one too, If this all works out I'll see about getting you a job somewhere where people don't ogle you so much."

Nurse Grande: "Your such a sweet little "el nino pequeno."

(Means Little Boy)

Conner: [Blushes]

Nurse Grande: "Now hold onto your horses cause this girl's got 560 under the hood."

[She revs the engine and the car speeds off into the night.]

Conner VO: "Stan, Kyle, Kenny Butters I hope you guys are alright Cartman not so much."

[Cut to commercial]


	10. Chapter 10

[Return from Commercial]

[A substation labeled Alfred Packer Memorial Substation.]

[Inside a small office an electrical engineer sits at his desk his feet propped up and a bowl of soup in his hand. He watches jewelry shopping network on TV.]

TV: "Our next item on display is this beautiful faux turquoise necklace only $7.99 that's a steal for something this beautiful whoo!"

Engineer: "Eh I bet Mom would like it." [He takes out his phone]

[Outside another engineer checks the circuits to a transformer with a flashlight, satisfied he walks outside and over to the fence.]

Engineer # 2: "Hey Bert! I'm gonna take a piss I'll be right back!"

Bert: [From inside] "Okay Joe just watch that you don't pee on the fence!"

Joe: "Oh very funny you waste your time watching that stupid jewelry channel!"

[Joe goes over to the fence right next to the sign that says Danger High Voltage Fence DO NOT TOUCH OR PISS ON. He unzips his pants and begins peeing perilously close to the fence.]

Joe: [Whistles as splashes of his pee hit the fence creating tiny sparks.] "Heh heh I love when they do that."

[Suddenly a bright light shines on his Joe, He throws his hand over his eyes and his stream goes off course down his leg.]

Joe: "God Damn It! I got it all over my leg." [He zips his pants up and looks to see to see the lights are coming from the front of one of Hook's buses which has stopped in front of the gate] "What the hell is a summer camp bus doing out here this late?" [He begins to walk up to it.] "Hey Buddy you got any idea what time of night it is?" [There is no response from the bus] "It's past 10 and I've got enough to deal with with without you driving up behind me and scaring me into pissing down my leg!" [He bangs on the door] "Hey open up in there Asshole! [The door opens and a lawn dart shoots out piercing Joe in the eye and killing him instantly.]

[Meanwhile back in the office Bert is finishing his talk with the jewelry show host.]

TV: "So who are you getting this for?"

Bert: "My Mother."

TV: "Your Mother huh well isn't that just sweet it's like I always say these necklaces make a great gift for the holidays you got your credit card number?"

Bert: "Yeah I got my credit card number it's.."

[Theres a knock at the door]

Bert: "Hold on I'll be right!" [He gets up and goes for the door] "God damn it Jack" [He opens the door] "What is it Jack? UGH! [He's answered by a circular saw blade that flies into his throat and decapitates him.]

TV: "Hello? Hello Bert? Are you still there Bert? [His head rolls down next to his chair] "Well It seems we've lost o'l Bert for now but don't you worry there's plenty of these Faux Turquoise necklaces to go around. Alright next item is..."

[A saw blade cuts thru the TV cutting the host off. We see the attacker in the door way is the Lost Boys Demolitions Lt. He lowers his saw blade launcher as his name appears in bold style letters.]

"LT SHOCKLEY SHOCKING ISN'T IT?"

Shockley: [Takes out a walkie talkie] "Area secured clear to bring in the gremlins."

[6 soldiers dressed in dungaree overalls and hard hats pile out of the bus carrying various tools. One pair, a boy and a girl bring out a blowtorch and proceed cutting into the security panels for the power transformers while another pair proceed with setting C4 up on the several of the breakers. The Last Pair set up a pair of homemade turrets made from a pitching machine loaded with Hand grenades and a tennis ball launcher with a blow torch attached to the barrel and secure the perimeter.]

Lt Shockley: "Colonel We've got control of the substation Step 1 is Complete."

[Colonel Hook's Bus]

Colonel Hook: "Good how soon will the power be down?"

Lt Shockley: [On the radio] "About 7 Mikes Sir!"

Colonel Hook: "Well Get it done Hook Out!" [He puts down the radio and turns to his driver] "Baker prepare for Step 2"

[The Driver turns around to reveal himself to be.. LT Baker HE'S STILL THE TALLEST.]

Baker: [Turns back around and gets on the horn] "Attention all buses attention all buses Step 1 is complete all drivers proceed to step two. All soldiers should check their weapons and prepare for combat."

[The kids inside load up their weapons and prepare for combat. Grant unloads his handgun checks the number of rounds in the magazine. Satisfied He loads the magazine back in and pulls the slide back. He smiles as it snaps.]

Kaitlyn: [Loads up her weapon a Crossbow loaded with dynamite arrows.] "Is that all your taking?"

Grant: "It's all I need." [He holds it up]

Kaitlyn: [Looks down at her feet.]

Grant: "What's up?"

Kaitlyn: "I'm just a little anxious I mean this is it, this is the beginning of the revolution everything we've worked for since the war."

Grant: "Yeah I'm excited too I'm hoping to shoot me one of those jerkasses that goes around offering you free samples of laundry detergent without fabric softener. Who wants detergent without fabric softener?"

Kaitlyn: "Yeah heh heh." [Rubs her arm nervously and takes a deep breath.]

Grant: "Who are you gunning for?"

Kaitlyn: "Me?"

Grant: "Yeah teachers, cops, 5th graders?"

Kaitlyn: "I don't know I was thinking I'd blow up that bitches house or something."

Grant: "Oh you looking for some payback too huh? That's great we can do it together personally I was hoping to bag that lawyer husband of hers. [He looks down the sights of his gun and gestures a bang] Ba-Bang!"

[Kaitlyn looks out the window and sighs]

Kaitlyn: [Thinking] "Why am I still thinking of you Kurtz? You were a fool a disgrace, You had the chance to get your revenge on everyone who wronged you and instead you chose to defend them why?"

[Elsewhere Conner and Nurse Grande pull up to a house and Conner steps out.]

Conner: "This is the place keep the motor running."

[Conner walks on the lawn picks up a pebble and throws it at the second floor window. The shutter opens and a dirty boy with messy hair looks out.]

Christophe: [Yawns and rubs his eyes] "Qui la baise est-il?" ["Who the fuck is it?]

Conner: "Good morning to you mon ami."

Christophe: "Conner? Ez that you?"

Conner: "No it's God of course it's me who else do you know that can take your shovel to his face and still call you his close friend?"

Christophe: "Do you know what time et is?"

Conner: "Do I look like I care?"

Christophe: "What do you want?"

Conner: "My comrade in arms that's what there's trouble headed for town right now and we need to rally the troops for battle."

Christophe: "Hold on let me get dressed first before you start going all Gregory on me."

[He goes back into his room opens his drawer and throws on his mercenary clothes before picking up and slinging his shovel on his back. He then ties off a rope and climbs down for his window.]

Christophe: "So what ez this that your going around waking me up in ze middle of the night and...[He sees Nurse Grande in the drivers seat and his eyes go wide as his cigarette falls from his dropped jaw] "Mon Dieu sont ces seins pour de vrai?" [My God are those breasts for real?]

Conner: "100% natural Christophe I'll explain on the way."

[Cuts to the car stopping in front of Jimbo's guns.]

Christophe: "What are we doing here?"

Conner: "Everybody out."

[They climb out of the car and Conner walks over to the drivers side climbs in and closes the door.]

Nurse Grande: "Conner what are doing?"

Conner: "It's okay I got this. [He turns to Ze Mole] "Mole I need to borrow your shovel."

Christophe: "Out of ze question Kurtz no one touches e'r but me."

Conner: "Fine then get in here I need you to press her against the gas pedal."

Nurse Grande: "Your not thinking of doing what I think you are are you?"

Conner: "I'll have to do some explaining to Jimbo and Ned but I'm sure his insurance will cover it."

Christophe: "Scoot ove'r." [He climbs in as Conner puts it in reverse and turns the wheel]

Conner: "Okay Christophe give us a little gas."

[Christophe presses the gas with his shovel sending the Ferrari rolling backwards straight]

Conner: "Okay that's good you can stop now."

[Christophe presses the brake and Conner shifts into drive]

Conner: "Alright floor it!"

[Christophe presses his shovel to the gas and the Ferrari screams into the shop going zero to 60 into the shop at full speed. It goes so fast that it crashes thru the door and slams into the back wall with in a devastating impact. Lucky for Conner and Christophe the airbags deploy."

Ferrari: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

Nurse Grande: "Conner Christophe! Vos esta bem?" [Are you alright?]

Conner: "Nurse Grande? Grab a knife from the display case there." [He points to the shattered display case in front of the counter.]

Christophe: "You weren't exactly on z'e ball in z'e jungle but you were never z'his bad."

Conner: "Sorry I guess I underestimated the cars horsepower."

Christophe: "You almost got us killed I a'vent been awake 20 minutes and you've already almost killed me."

[Nurse Grande grabs a knife from the display case and pops both the airbags freeing the boys]

Conner: "Thanks Nurse Grande" [He climbs out of the car and walks over to the children's clothing rack.]

Nurse Grande: "Conner are you alright?"

Conner: "I'm fine."

Nurse Grande: "You could have been killed."

Conner: "Save it I've already heard it from Ze Mole already."

Christophe: [Grabs his shovel and climbs out of the car.] "Nope nobody bother to help me I z'ink it e'z only a concussion and a case of whiplash." [He rubs his head.]

[Nurse Grande checks on Christophe who's eyes are square on her boobs which are right in his face while Conner grabs several clothes in his size along with a matching pair of boots, a ballistic vest a knife and survival provisions. He then jumps behind the counter and begins typing in a code to a keypad.]

Nurse Grande: [Looks over at him] "What are you doing Conner?"

Conner: [Continues typing] "I know it's a 5 digit number 24769."

[The shelf behind the counter slides back and into the wall revealing a hidden armory loaded to the brim with guns and ammo. Rifles line the racks and machine guns and rocket launchers fill the shelves.]

Christophe:[Turns away from Nurse Grande's boobs.] "Mon An'e" [My Jackass. Christophe says this instead of My God as an insult.]

Conner: "Jimbo showed this when I first moved in with him most of this stuff is left over from his and Ned's service in Nam.

[Conner begins loading weapons into the dented trunk of the Ferrari. First a pair of M16s still fully automatic followed by an Stoner 63 light machine gun, an M82 50 caliber sniper rifle, an Ithaca 37 stakeout shotgun, an M60 machine gun, a pair of uzi submachine guns, bandoliers of ammo and grenades, and enough bullets to start the American Canadian War all over again plus...

Nurse Grande: "What is that?"

Conner: [Tosses it into the trunk] "M202 Rocket launcher."

Nurse Grande: "Madre de dios! And you know how to use this thing?"

Conner: "Like a pro." [He picks up a up a portable Minigun and tosses it in the trunk.] "Alright lets go!"

Sgt Yates: "Freeze!"

[Several officers swarm the gun shop weapons at the ready. Conner and Christophe put their hands up.]

Sgt Yates: "Well well well Kurtz what an unpleasant surprise you haven't been out one week and already your planning a little late night rampage?"

Conner: "Heh heh Yates I know this looks really really bad right now but if you just let me explain...

Yates: "Quiet I'm placing you all under arrest for breaking and entering, theft, reckless driving, reckless endangerment, possession of illegal firearms, and indecent exposure."

Conner: Indecent exposure? The gown covers up the front!" [His gown falls down giving us a good view of him naked.] "Whoops"

Yates: "Make that indecent exposure and flashing yourself at a public servant. Take him away boys but don't do anything to startle him. You know what he's capable of."

Conner: "Do with me what you will I won't resist this time." [Yates cuffs him and Conner and Christophe are led away in cuffs]

Christophe: "Ce est une mise en place d'un correctif cet idiot m'a amené ici contre ma volonté . Je suis innocent! obtenir vos mains sales puants sur moi vous putain de porcs."

[This is a set up a fix this idiot brought me here against my will. I'm innocent! get your filthy stinking hands off me you fucking pigs.]

[The cops throw them into the back of the squad car causing Conner to land on top of Christophe.]

Christophe: [Screams] "Get off me you fucking homo!"

Conner: "I can't handcuffs!"

[Pov outside the police car audio only]

Christophe: "Z'his e'z officially ze gayest moment of my entire life."

Conner: "No argument there."

Christophe: "Could you maybe get your dick away from mine?"

Conner: "Hold on let just try moving my..."

Christophe: "No no z'hat makes e't worse Mon ane I can see e't all."

Conner: "Sorry Sorry!"

Christophe: "If Gregory hears of z'his z'hat limey faggot will never let here z'he end of e't."

[Yates walks over to Nurse Grande]

Yates: "Alright m'am I think it's best you come downtown with uh ah WHOA! Look at the size of those Tetons!"

[The other cops drop their guns and their jaws at the sight of Nurse Grande's breasts.

Cop: "Nice"

Cop 2 : "Nice."

Cop 3 : "Nice

Nurse Grande: [Sighs] "Por que yo? [Why me?] I'll get in the car." [She takes the handcuffs out of the stunned officers handcuffs herself and walks out to the police."

[South Park Police Station.]

[Conner and Christophe sit in the interrogation room while Detective Mitch Murphy interrogates them. Conner is now dressed in prison orange.]

Murphy: "Your both facing charges of breaking and entering, burglary, reckless driving, reckless endangerment, destruction of private property, vandalism, possession of automatic weapons, What do you have to say for yourself."

[Christophe sits with his arms crossed refusing to look at Conner or Murphy]

Christophe: "He came over to my house woke me up in z'he of z'he night saying he wanted my help and z'hat a'here was trouble coming to our town. I should 'ave ignored him and stayed in bed."

Conner: [Looks at him sternly] "Sir I can explain."

Murphy: "Explain what? your looking at ten to fifteen years hard time Kurtz. I'd think hard about what you say next.

Conner: "You know about the incident at Hells Pass hospital?"

Murphy: "I do but I don't see what it has to do with you breaking down the doors of Jimbo's guns."

Conner: "It has everything to do with it Murphy. I know who did it."

Murphy: "Alright talk."

Conner: "It was a Russian girl said her name was Carma Carmilla? Carmen! that was it Carmen."

Murphy: "And what did this Russian Carmen look like?"

Conner: "She was very short only came up to my shoulders thou she claimed to be ten years old. She was dressed as a doctor in scrubs and she looked like she had black hair until she removed it revealing it was a wig then I saw her hair was actually blue."

Murphy: "Blue hair short dressed as a doctor I see and what did this Carmen say to you?

Conner: "She said she was here to Kill Kyle's Mom."

Christophe: [Angry] "You got me arrested because you were trying to save z'hat fat b'etch?"

Murphy: "Christophe when we're in the interrogation room we need to use our inside voices alright?"

Christophe: "Bite me you stinking pig."

Murphy: "One more like that and your both going in the cell back there."

[Interrogation room B]

[Yates conducts a more intimate interrogation of Nurse Grande]

Yates: "For the record please state your name and phone number for the record."

Nurse Grande: "Taina Isabela Grande and my eyes are up here detective."

Yates: "Oh um yeah well anyway I think I'm just gonna ask you a few personal questions."

Nurse Grande: "I understand."

Yates: "What do you think is a better first date? Dinner out or the movies?"

Nurse Grande: [Annoyed] "And what does that have to do with me being interrogated?"

Yates: "Just following protocol M'am now next question do you like men with or without mustaches?"

Nurse Grande: "Is that a ring on your finger Detective?"

Yates: "That was not the question Miss Grande."

Nurse Grande: "Ugh I'd have to say with."

Yates: "Nice."

[Interrogation Room A]

Murphy: "So your telling me an old friend who you knew during the American Canadian War has gone rogue and is leading an army of children in an insurrection against us?"

Conner: "You don't believe me do you?"

Murphy: "Honestly How can I Kurtz? You escape from a hospital when you were not supposed to leave, You and your hot nurse friend stole a car and crashed it into a gun store so you could make off with enough firepower to start a small war and you flashed your penis in public. I'm afraid your both looking at eight years in juvenile hall for violating the terms of your probation.

Christophe: "Eight years? Eight fucking years? I didn't do fucking anything! This pussy woke me up in z'he middle of z'he night almost killed me and got me arrested by the fucking pigs and I'm the one z'hat gets his ass sent to prison?"

Murphy: "I'm very disappointed in both of you to be honest. Particularly you Kurtz after all you went thru to get your life back together, I sympathized with went thru when you first got here. I thought you were a good kid deep down despite what everyone else said but I guess I was wrong."

Conner: "Detective Murphy You've got to believe me Hook is not someone to make false alarms if he says he's going to attack then...[Murphy cuts him off.]

Murphy: "No don't say anything more Kurtz I don't want to hear it. You have the right to remain silent I suggest you use it."

[Prison Cells]

[Christophe is trying to call his Mother in French.]

Christophe: "Non Non mere je ne fumais pas cette fois je je jure...[Audible phone noises] ("No no mother I wasn't out smoking this time I swear it") "Tas Toi salope stupide que jevais arreter lorsque vous arretez -vous boire dans une stupeur putain!"

("Shut up you stupid bitch I'll quit when you stop drinking yourself into a fucking stupor.")

[Audible phone noises]

"Vous dites que vous me aimez, mais vous ne avez jamais putain dire qu'il!"

("You say you love me but you never fucking mean it")

[Audible phone noises]

"Je ne suis pas votre petite crêpe adorable vous putain essayé de me poignarder dans le ventre avec un cintre putain salope shitfaced"

("I am not your adorable little crepe you fucking tried to stab me in the womb with a fucking coat hanger you shitfaced bitch")

[Audible phone noises]

"Non pas demain droite je ai besoin que vous me prenez dès maintenant ."

("No not tomorrow right I need you to pick me up right now.")

[Audible phone noises]

"Avez-vous raccrochez pas sur moi Mère ne vous avisez pas mis le téléphone ... [Hang up sound.] "Merde."

("Don't you hang up on me Mother don't you dare put the phone...Shit.")

Police officer: "What did she say?"

Christophe: "She said she was too wasted to come pick me up and would come by in the morning when her hangover goes away."

Police Officer: "Alright back in the cell, Kurtz your next remember one phone call."

[Christophe walks back into the cell and sits on the slab while Conner stands up and walks over to the phone. He picks it up and dials Jimbo.]

[Jimbo's House.]

[Jimbo and Ned are sleeping on the couch together bottles of liquor and porno dvd's line the floor and table.]

Ned: [Drunkenly comes to and nudges Jimbo.] "Jimbo? Jimbo? Jimbo?" [He hasn't got his voice box so his voice is quiet and hoarse.]

Jimbo: [Still passed out drunk] "Thank you-Thank you so very much? I am so honored to be chosen as Miss Saigon of 1972."

Ned: [Starts searching the floor] "Voice box where's my voice box?" [He sees it sticking out of the front of Jimbo's pants.] "Oh man that is nasty." [He goes upstairs]

[Prison Cells]

[The message from their answering machine plays.]

Jimbo: "Hi there you've the residence of Jimbo, Ned and Conner unfortunately we can't come to the phone right now because we're probably out Squirrel! [Gunshots] Because we're probably out hunting or fishing Rabbit! [Gunshots]

[Ned comes downstairs in his boots and underwear carrying his backup voice box which is pink and runs for the phone.]

Message: "Please leave us a message after the gunshot and we'll get back to you as soon as we...[The message is interrupted by Ned answering the phone.]

Ned: [In the voice of Pinkie Pie] "Hello?"

Conner: [Eyes wide in surprise] "Uh Hello?"

Ned: [close up on his voice box reveals the logo to say My Little Pony Friendship is Magic little smokers voice box] "Conner? is that you?"

Conner: "Ugh this is Conner yes? I'm trying to reach Jimbo Kerns and Ned Gerblansky it's kind of important."

Ned: [Voice now sounds like Apple Jack] "I'm using my other voice box right now since Jimbo...[He looks over to see his old voice box still in Jimbo's pants.] Since Jimbo insisted I try it out."

Conner: "Oh It's just because you sound uh different is all."

Ned: [Voice of Rarity] "Well you know how Jimbo and I like our...favorite show well I saw it at the mall and figured it might make a great gag gift is all."

Conner: "Yeeeeaaaaaah well listen I kinda need you to pick me up from the police station."

Ned: [Voice of Rainbow Dash] "The Police Station? At this hour? sorry this voice box is defective keeps [Voice changes to Twilight Sparkle] Changing voices on me. Which brings me to why are you calling me from the police station? It's almost midnight and the police said you were being transferred to North Park General?"

Conner: "Well Ned I sort of...broke out and stole a car to get back to town."

Ned: [Voice of Princess Celestia] "YOU WHAT? [Conner backs off from the phone]

Conner: "I broke out of the hospital stole a doctors Ferrari and rammed it into the gun shop so I could get weapons from the back room."

Ned: [Voice changes to Derpy Hooves] "Conner Whittler Kerns As your adopted father I am very very disappointed in you your adopted father and I entrusted you were responsible enough to know about that room. Was anybody hurt?"

Conner: [Looks over at Christophe who's not looking back at him] "No Ned nobody except me."

Ned: [Still Derpy] "Conner we need have a heart to heart talk right now there's something I've got to tell you now that can't wait. You see...[The phone is disconnected by Shockley cutting the power to the phone lines with his ax.]

Conner: "Derpy? Er I mean Ned? Ned are you still there? Ned? [He hangs up the phone]

Police officer: "Alright back to your cell Kerns"

[Conner is led back to his cell where he sits down next to Christophe who is still not talking to him.]

[Inside the police station radio room an officer fusses with the radio which is throwing out a buzzing sound.]

Police Officer: "Hey Murphy!"

[Murphy sets down his coffee and walks in]

"Murphy: "What is it Peterson?"

Peterson: "Something's wrong with the radio, I can't reach anyone on any of the bands all I get is some static."

Murphy: "Better call the power company and get them out there fast."

Peterson: "I tried that already but my I phone isn't getting a signal and neither is the internet. [starts to panic] What am I gonna do Sir? People could be trying to send me kitty pictures and I wouldn't even know?"

[Murphy slaps Peterson across the face.]

Murphy: "Get it together man I'm sure whatever this is the power company is on their way they might even already be there.

Peterson: [Calms down] "Thanks Sir I needed that."

[Substation]

[Shockley walks back into the office ax in hand. He takes out his radio.]

Shockley: "Sir this is Shockley we've just cut the phone, radio and internet lines into town, we're tapped into the station itself and we're setting up a private server as we speak password is killalladultsunder12. Should be ready in 30 minutes."

[Colonel Hook's bus]

Colonel Hook: "Killalladultsunder12 got it good work Lieutenant keep it up over and out."

Shockley: "Roger over and out." [He puts down the radio sits down in the chair next to Bert's decapitated head and proceeds to watch Terrence and Phillip which is playing on Bert's Tv.]

Colonel Hook: [Picks up the radio] "Attention all drivers attention this is Colonel Hook we're entering the town of South Park proceed to your designated drop points and prep your troops for immediate combat. [He puts the radio down and looks over at the Lt dressed as a pilot.] Flyboy?

[We get the Borderlands style intro on the Lt who we see is Pvt Davenport the getaway pilot from the rescue mission.]

Lt Alvin H "Flyboy" Davenport!

"He's an Ace at Air Combat"

[The screen returns to normal]

"Get your squadrons ready ready for immediate takeoff."

Flyboy: "Yes sir!"

[We get an instrumental of March on Lost Boys March on as Lt Davenport turns on his helmet headset.]

Flyboy: "Goose's nest this is Mother Goose do you copy over?"

Radio: "This is Goose Nest we read you loud and clear Mother Goose over."

Davenport: "Roger that Goose Nest Step two is in effect begin step 3 immediately."

Radio: "Acknowledged over and out."

[The Convoy rolls past the South Park sign]

[Grant and Kaitlyn's bus.]

Grant: [Looks out the window at the sign.] "Here we are." [He opens the window leans his arm out and shoots the sign several times knocking it back and forth several times before it falls off it's post. Satisfied with his act of vandalism Grant smiles leans back in and blows the smoke off his barrel before reloading. The other kids cheer and applaud including Kaitlyn.]

[Hook's bus]

Colonel Hook: [Talks on the radio] "Convoy Halt!"

[The Convoy comes to a stop.]

Colonel Hook: "Flyboy it's time to deploy your bomber wing ."

Flyboy: "Mother Goose to Goose Nest it's time to give the enemy a flying lesson they'll never forget."

[Flyboy's pilots and flight deck crew disembark from their bus which happens to have a wheelchair lift which they use to lower a large package covered by a tarp. The flight crew removes it reveal several heavily modified drones. Some are Quadrotors armed with IED's made of C4 and Flechette Darts, others are attack choppers equipped with nail gun and lawn darts tied to bottle rockets, and of course some are homemade bomber planes made by Flyboy Himself. including his personal drone, A replica A-10 Warthog armed with two Illegal laser guided Tijuana Bottle rockets.]

[The flight crew assembles several improvised runways made from sections of skateboard ramps and bungee catapults then place the planes armed onto the wooden ramps. meanwhile the others place the quad rotors into formation while the pilots takes out their controllers and lower their visors.]

FlyBoy: "On my Mark...LAUNCH!"

[One by one the drones launch from the improvised runway into the sky where they assemble into formation with the quadrotor squadrons quickly follow behind. The sky above South Park is filled with drones in numbers unseen since Craig's Mom exposed her magic bush.]

Flyboy: [Talks to Hook on the radio] "It's beautiful sir more beautiful than I imagined."  
>Colonel Hook: "Good hunting and Godspeed Flyboy."<p>

[The scene transitions to the street where the residents of South Park step out to see what the commotion is.]

Randy: "What's going on?"

Sharon: "What are all those planes doing up there?"

[Gerald, Kyle and Ike step out onto their lawn along with The Stotch's and The Cartman's. In their dilapidated yard the Mccormick's step out to see what's going on.]

Kyle: "Hey Stan are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Stan: "That some very bad shit's about to go down? You bet."

Butters: "Hey Fellas! You guys up too?

Eric: "Butters shut the fuck up right now before I beat your head in!"

Stan: "Dude Cartman what's up your ass?"

Cartman: "I've got no internet no Xbox Live there's nothing on tv and I've got two gay butt holes asking me what my fucking problem is."

Liane: "Eric Sweetie go back inside please." [She pushes Eric back into the house.]

Eric: [Drags his feet resisting] "But Mahm there's nothing to do in the house."

Liane: "Just go play with your toys or something Poopykins and I'll be in to tuck you in soon."

[While Liane pushes a tantrum throwing Cartman into the house Stephen looks up at the drones in horror.]

Stephen: [Shocked low voice] "My God it's finally come the drones are rising up against us! LINDA BUTTERS GET DOWNSTAIRS TO THE BASEMENT!"

Butters: "Okay Dad bye fellas?" [He waves as his Dad drags him back into the house.]

[At the Mccormick household Kenny's family looks up at the sky worried]

Stuart: "Everybody get back inside right now." [They go back inside and huddle, Karen starts crying in fear]

Carol: "It'll be alright children nothing is going is going to hurt us." [She notices Kenny is missing.] "Kenny? Kenny where are you?

[Cut to a shot of Kenny's room where see his window is open and his parka has been left on the floor.]

Carol: "Stuart where's Kenny?"

Stuart: "I wasn't looking I thought you had him?"

Carol: "Great Stuart just great I trust you to round up the kids and you forget Kenny."

Stuart: "Hey get off my back woman I've been working all day."

Carol: "Work? Is that what you call going to the beer and getting drunk all day?"

[Mysterion dashes down the street. while Carol and Stuart's argument descends into punches thrown and bottles broken.]

[Police Station]

[The police rush out to investigate what's happening]

Murphy: "What in the world?"

[The drones up in the sky begin surveying the town below with their electronic eyes. The view changes to a birds eye infrared night camera view of the town.]

Flyboy: "Attention all pilots confirm you have a visual on your assigned targets!"

Pilot Boy: "This is Zip I have eyes on the school."

Pilot Girl: "This is Dash I have eyes on the police station."

Black Pilot Boy: "This is Zoom I've got eyes on the city hall building."

Flyboy: "You are not cleared to engage assigned targets along with any targets of opportunity but do not fire on the homesteads."

Zip: "So we're clear to engage all targets except the houses?"

Flyboy: "Affirmative we have confirmed intel that political prisoners are being held in those buildings."

Zoom: "We have armed personal emerging from the police station requesting permission to engage."

Flyboy: "Hold your fire Zoom!"

Zoom: "What? But sir we're in range to... [Flyboy cuts him off.]

Flyboy: "First kill belongs to Mother Goose sweetheart."

[Flyboy's RC A10 locks onto the police station]

Target Locked.

[On the ground Mysterion arrives at the police station]

Murphy: "Mysterion it's great to see you we've tried calling for backup but the radio's not responding and the phones and internet are down."

Mysterion: "Listen to me Detective Murphy there isn't much time for me to explain everything."

[Cuts back to Flyboy's drone]

Flyboy: "Fox Two!"

[The A10 drone fires it's Tijuana bottle rockets at the police station.]

Mysterion: "I know who's behind this and the only way to stop them is..."

Police Officer: "They're firing!" [The officers dive for cover]

Mysterion: "They're wha..[He turns around and sees the bottle rockets heading right for him.] "Oh Fu...BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

[The first mega bottle rocket impales him flies through the doors and explodes in a massive fireball that blows the windows, back wall and roof of the police station. The second mega bottle rocket slams into the parking lot sending squad cars flying like rag dolls of twisted metal. Inside the station Conner sees the flash of light from the missile.]

Conner: "GET DOWN!" [He grabs Christophe and tackles them both under the seat as the explosion blows off the cell door and engulfs the rest of the building in fire.]

[From the A10's POV we see the airstrike decimate the police station.]

Zip: "Oooh That's gotta hurt."

Zoom: "Yep I see lots of little pieces down there."

Dash: "I count 20+ confirmed kills nice shooting Sir!"

Flyboy: "Alright have it boys!"

Zip: "This is gonna be one hell of a highlight reel."

Zoom: "I heard that."

[Cut to shot of the burning bombed out police station zooming out as the Lost Boys Air Force begins launching airstrikes up and down South Park as Ride of the Valkyries by Plays. Zoom in to Colonel Hook who is watching the fireworks thru binoculars]

Colonel: "I love the sound of Illegal Fireworks exploding in the morning...sounds like victory!"

[Grant and Kaitlyn's bus.]

[The Lost Boys soldiers cheer and shout as they watch the airstrikes thru the bus windows. Grant fires his gun into the air putting several holes in the roof while Kaitlyn watches silently as the town burns.]

[Cut to commercial.]


End file.
